Argh..That lady again!!!

Woah.....that lady at my office! I was nothing to do with her since I started working here, but recently, there is a clash between me and her...I was really annoyed. I have been annoyed few times by her comments on my report and I always replied her honestly. Until one time, I felt her laughter was insulting me; my article, my English my grammar or the way I wrote. I was not happy with that. She was laughing happily while reading my report. I was rushing the report with lots of deros information in one day and was it what I supposed to get? I don't care she laughed and I forgot it the next day. 

It was not end there. The next morning, she skyped  me, asking if I was okay to spare my time for English class. I was really annoyed and upset. She was making me mad and I could feel her insult. I don't know what she meant. Was it because last night? Did this her laughter mean? I realize and always know that my English is not really good. I am trying my best. I was not born with English as my mother tongue, so I would go far from what so called perfect English. I talked to my SA, but he seemed to side her. I didn't mind he agreed with her, but I guess her way and her time were totally wrong. I could say that for 23 years in my life, this is the first time I felt really so insulted by other person's attitude. Oh, I could not stand her for sure. 

I try not to be influenced by what she said or think about me. I don't want care too much what my colleagues would think and say about me. I have my own way. I could not please them and my team just asked me to ignore that middle age lady (she is married but seems to be unmarried). My colleagues told me that was the way she is; talking without thinking. All I could say is she is crazy and mad about grammar. For me, she has poor understanding. She never try to I guess.  I know how good she is exactly. My colleagues even told me, everyone is the office doesn't have perfect English. Everyone is learning throughout the time and the process.

I never want to bother, I try not to bother her. I am doing my best on my job, not for her, for my self, the company and client. I am trying best to be better analyst. I have lot of weaknesses. I admit it. I want and am willing to change are the more important things. I kinda of hate her, arghhh!!!! Today again, she came and commented that: I commented in red. Please polish before sending.

I was updating some databases for Indonesian checks and all she could comment is polish before sending. I just don't like the way she commented. All you could do is that? Well, I would do that even better and let me see how you would again comment on it! I won't let you ruin my day, my emotion and everything. I complained about her to my good team mate. I feel so bad but I need to talk.

She commented to my friend before, please don't only ignore the spell check. Let it go through your brain!

Well, rate her by yourself then! She is married but acts like unmarried lady in the age of 50s. She is grazy about perfect grammar.



Note: I know she is doing your job. She wants the best. So does everyone! Each of us has different ability and capability. Yes or no, admit it, no one is perfect! You are manager, but it doesn't mean you could anything without a little of respect and appreciation. We are all human with weaknesses and strength! Your words and your mouth are sharper than the sword. The mark may left deep and you never know! I learn a lesson...

When I cried, I learn

When I complaint, I learn

When I am hurt, I learn

 

Random favorite findings....

 definitely...

 *smile*

 there is always time to feel so, even to our closest person on earth...

 nice truffle...

 it's true!

 i haven't got these things yet...i am not confidence and smile enough... :(

 hahaha..it is super duper true! i am obsessed with few kilos lose weight as well...

 you choose and decide, whatever it is, be happy! everything has consequence. take the risk. it is not the end of the world...

 how much i wish i could have decorated my room and future house in english style...dreams come untrue!

spending time with our closest and beloved people will never get enough...appreciate what we have and who we are with now!

 

 :)

things in life would be soon collected and so called experience!

Just for fun!

1. What was your first thing you do when you woke up this morning?
bath

2. Where were you today?
my office

3. Are you more of an optimistic or pessimistic person?
  hm...both at the same time, depends, hahaha

4. Who is your best friend?
my man, one of my church elders, another girl friend in Indonesia

5. Are you in a serious relationship ?
yes


6. Do you have feelings for anyone right now?
yes i do

7. What qualities do you find attractive in a person?
attitudes

8. What is your favourite movie of all time?
love actually

9. What lyrics can you think of that relate to how you are feeling right now? 
hm...nothing is particular, hehehe

10. If your life could be any movie, what would you pick?
no idea, i need time to think, hahaha

11. Where do you see yourself in five years?
here, penang, malaysia

12. What was the last thing you ate?
fried maggie mee

13. What could you not live without?
my beloved people

14. When was the last time you told someone “I love you”?
2 hours ago

15. Do you get along with your parents?
ah yes, but the last time was 7 years ago, i miss them

16. What is the most attractive physical feature of the opposite sex?
eyes and physical appearance (body)

17. Do you think looks matter?
yes, it matters..:)

18. As a child, what was your dream job?
doctor

19. What is your dream job now?
something related to my hobby, like event and being a full time mom and wife in the future with some small business/ hobbies

20. Do you know someone who can make you smile without even trying?
yes i do, my man..he is without he notices that

21. If you were given the opportunity to rename yourself, what would you pick?
hmm...no idea, i am okay with my name now...maybe i would consider to change my chinese name, haha

22. How often do you drink (alcohol)?
hmm..a sip from my man's drink during special occasion/ dinner, not even once a year

23. Introvert or extrovert?
in between

24. Do you believe in love at first sight?
yes i do, i am

25. If you have one, what is your motto?
"live your own life to the fullest"

The days before today

Finally, I could spare some of my times today after a busy and lazy week. Days were up and down. I have been having swinging mood recently and I could feel that I am not really happy, but I am still okay! :) Recent life was also okay towards me, a bit tiring, restless, unmotivated, a lil' happy here and there, up here and down there...Nevertheless, thanks God for holding me all the time, I just realize for another time that I really need the strength from Him for my daily life. Life is not easy, as I am grower older, as time flies, things are change in the way we may never know, people or things, I need to cope well with each of them...At least, I am hoping that myself would be doing okay and good with them; both people and things. Thank you Father, please keep holding me...

Some highlights of the days before today were here!

1. I discovered lots lots and lots of great blogs and blogger...I fall in love with some of them, their writing, their thoughts, the way they write, their photos, the craft and all...More to discover in my way I believe...Some greats ones are Fedora's , Diana Rikasari, Mommies blog (Their babies are super cute!), DIY goodies, Famous Mila's blog and many more.

2. Sharing is happiness. Yes, for sure. I found my self to be happy in sharing. Few days ago, I was giving two fruits each to my Supervisor and the Indonesian maid at my office, but who knows, the fruits were not as sweet as I thought, hehehe...It made my day on that particular day!

3. As always, there would be definitely a moment in life that drive everyone of us to go back to the nature of human life; all the bits of the laws and regulations. Days before today, people and things reminded me about putting faith in my Lord Jesus Christ, being faithful and obedience in Him, being positive in life, learning to see only good and positive side of people, being thoughtful (It sure make our day brighter that day before). Oh yes, be positive is the key!

4. I enjoy my self in worshiping and singing for Him, I will always do. Every moment is special on its ways. Songs would be my just sound rightly as my prayer. I am drown and sink in the presence of Him through the songs and time. The time, musics and lyrics, even people make and draw me lots of emotion and pictures, good and bad. Each of them reminds how great my life is, how I could change my future, how I could I deal with my past and yet to come, how I could be better person in this life, what I could do better for Him and others and how sad or happy with people and things my life. I love the time worshiping Him; singing, praising, praying, dancing and claiming Himself as great God and Fathers. I wish me and my man would learn a lot through out our journey together with Him, things and people around me and of course, be more even faithful and obedience! Lord, I have nothing for you...but you have my heart and my voice that could adore you all the time, praising and worshiping you...

Sometimes, I get my self to have focus wrongly when I am serving Him and people, but now, I just wanna do things justly in His way. If it's for me to do, I would be chosen in His way. If not, I am maybe prepared for greater calling or I may be having more learning time compared to others for greater job. Amen!

5. I realize, being a lover for another lover was not about laughing, joking and being happy all the way. Everyone dreams for that kind of relationship. Me too, but recently, I realize being in relationship is not about being happy and being together all the time. I feel me and my man are far apart sometimes. I feel he is not caring an loving me enough sometimes. I have time when I think he should do this more for me just like other do. They all are so wrong. I have so so selfish if I think he is never doing enough for me and expecting him to do more and more. He told me once, loving someone is not about what the other lover can do for you but what you can do for him/ her. How much know I realize that it is true.What I could do for him instead worrying and guessing what he would do for me today, tomorrow and the next day?

Being in relationship, I could not expecting what he would do for me today, tomorrow and the next day. Would he/ she always love and care me like today? I have no control and no right to say this and that to him. We are human who will never have satisfaction over things and people. No matter how hard he/ she tries, he/ she may not ever get things to our own way. We will never feel enough. He told me too, let's just commit our relationship to God and focus on Him. If we could do this, trust Him, things in us would be so beautiful at His  time and fall at the right place at the right time. There is no more worry. Thanks to my love! All this time, I believe God sent me one of His greatest person to me. Yes, I do believe he is! I believe we are placed to complete, love and support each other mentally and spiritually. He is with us and would make things work for both us because me and him are His princess and prince. We both are His beloved children I could not deny that I made him mad most of time. I made him sad too. I made, I thought and said bad things to him and about him.  After all, we learn something, to the least. He learn somethings and  me too. I believe if things between us are wrong or is not working out, I want to stop my self blaming him or myself. I want to refocus and recommit things again to my Father hand. I believe loving each other is not only about bringing happiness to him/ herself every time. It is more about how you accepting the bad/ good of that person as the whole man, completing and supporting each other at the journey, growing up together spiritually and mentally in His way and at the end of the day, to see how great we has made the person in the way he/ she is throughout the time. People would think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life and that is you my man.

For my love, a bunch of thanks and prayers go to you! ❤

6. I want to live my own life in my way accordingly to His way! I want to get my own self to get out from people's shadow; their thoughts, their expression and their behaviors towards me. I don't care, if I care, those would be just a reference for my self introspection and review to be more even better in the future. :)

 

How to cheer up???

especially at working

Thank you List - 20.07.2011 to 21.07.2011

My thank you continues to:

1. A surprise on my car audio system from my bf. Thank you so much! It is a bit too advanced that I may need sometimes to really operate it! :)

2. A good and tasty dinner, followed by durian and cempedak. My dinner was mee suah with chicken in ginger and wine. I didn't remember the name. I just ate. ;D

3. My cancelled sport was finally paid off by some cleaning sport. I was sweating much. That was the most important thing. :)

Day ended with much of sleepiness and tiredness yesterday. I was homed and washed my clothes. I bathed, made a phone calling and slept.

Alarm rang. It was so fast to morning and felt lazy to get up. I forced my self out of the bed and heat the soup for tonight steamboat at my place with two of my ladies colleagues. They are going to stay with me later. :) I have companions at least.

I went to market this morning too, bought some vegetables and meats for tonight steamboat party! Yay!!! I paid for all anyway. I invited them and impossible to ask my friends to pay. I believe it would be worth every penny tonight. (I seem to comfort my self, hahaha)

Oh ya, today's my thank you list goes to:

1. I am still breathing

2. Car to work and not so jam, but the weather was bad this morning. So hazey!

3.  I shopped online again. Haih!!! :( + :) = ;D (if it meets my expectation)

4. Good lunch. I ate too much actually. I felt guilty. :(

5. Tonight dinner? :)

6. Offer on part time job. It is the same like the one I am doing now, but I need to consult it carefully first as I hold contract and agreement for my current job.

7. I finished another one case today. 

Today, I read some news too on  Los Angeles times on one inspirational stories (how a burned man starts his new life after was claimed by doctor to only have 1% chance to live) and quite a numbers of sad stories about how a child died after getting abused by their own families, how a baby died after was sent back from foster home to their own family, how a lady survived after being sex slaved for more than 10 years. These break readers' heart. How could these things happen? :( There is always reason that we may never understand.

I read some news on celebrity too, beauty and diet tips. :)

I wrote quite long today. I was so lazy to work. Writing at least kills my time and I like to write. I am now waiting for 5 o'clock and would be so ready for tonight's dinner. :)

Thank you Lord for today; for the good times and bad times. Every one of them really made my day!

p.s: I was annoyed by something. It should be nothing in a way (If I knew it, but I didn't guarantee it), but because I knew it. I got annoyed early morning today. Well, I forgive and forget. I understand your reason. I am sorry too not being understanding. Somehow, I expect you to tell me every lil' thing. Sometimes, for certain things and time, know nothing is better than know one thing or everything. I will try to learn to understand too. Please forgive me! :)

"Learn to forgive, for forgiving liberates all."

- Diana Rikasari -

I hang up at the end

I called my sister last night and talked awhile to her about her marriage and our life. Not long then, I hang up the phone. We ended up in argument/ conflict. I started first. I got a bit pissed off when I asked her about calling our relatives and told them about her marriage. She said she has not called anyone of them and responded to me that my uncle's wife said most of them would come. I could not accept that she has not called anyone of them and assumed that they all were okay. My family and relatives were a bit traditional. For them, this is a must manner. I don't really into it, but since they are close families, I think my sister should do it as soon as possible. Some of them need to book ticket, arrange their time and need time to think if they are coming or not. Our conversation always ended up like this. I ended it. Maybe I got a lil' bit sleepy and tiring after some cleaning.

I am sorry sister! :(
p.s to you: You missed a thank you to me!

To-do List with Mom!

If my mum was here, I would:

1. be so happy...I have my mum with me a lil' longer! :)

2. would share with her my everyday if she stayed with me here; how my day is, what I eat, how my friends and colleagues are, how I hate them and not, hehehe...

3. share with her my lovely gentleman and his families. They love and care me so much like what you would do. I shut my self up to them sometimes. ;) I would share who the best persons I met here, what kind of people I mix here...All, I would tell her.

4. tell her how good my job is; I can afford a car, insurance, savings and some other things in life. I get my increment recently! It is a blessings from Him.

5. share with her and my family about my Heavenly Father; how good He is to me. I may not open my mouth easily and start to talk about this, but I think, I would share with them the gospel. I believe they would welcome Him after sometimes as they were not fanatic about Buddhism and suggested me and sister to be Christian as it is easy, in term or prayer and all the ceremony. 

6. buy her, my dad and my brother what I could buy for them, esp foods, clothes and things that they need, they may need and fit them. I would be so good if I have money. I like to gift people with gift, hahahaha. I want to buy her a nice dress, nice foods/ vitamin maybe. She was not choosy and simple. It would be easy to gift my mum.

7. bring them for holiday to Penang. With the share with them, I believe I could afford to bring them to KL, Bangkok maybe or Singapore.

8. want to learn to be a good chef like her, as well as baker. She was damn good in cooking, baking and sewing. I am inherited with that vibe to learn to cook and bake (but I could cook well) and yes, I am a good house wife in the future. I am above average compared to people I know. I do good in house work and all. ;)

9. want to go shopping with her for my sister wedding. Being busy and be a part of this with my mum and family. Going together to the bridal house, choosing which gown to wear and when to wear and all things others daughters-mommies things. I want here to be besides us. I believe my sis too. :)

10. tell and talk to her when I need her, esp when I have argument or conflict with my love, when I hate someone or happy and so on. 

11. ask her what she wants and if I can, I would buy them for her! :) 

12. give her pocket money, as well my dad and bro! :)

13. remember her birthday and any other special day on her. I didn't do this well when she was alive here. 

14. cook for her maybe.

15. do all things just to bring the best out of me for all of them so that they could have a better life and live a happy life!

Thank you List - 20.07.2011

Hm...thank you Lord for today! I, my self:

1. am still breathing

2. have my own transport to work

3. didn't stuck in the jam

4. had a good non bake cheesecake in the morning (by me) :D

5. had a good meal for lunch and bought some breads for my self and my boy friend

6. get to know that we are not tracked for lunch time (unfortunately, it happens in other department. time to count our blessings!)

7. didn't feel sleepy today at work

8. finished one of cases today! Yay!

9. meet my love today! He is picking me up to take his car, at least, we talk later! (if he isn't busy)

10. am going to gym maybe or maybe movie-ing on my own

11. get one hour time off in coming Friday. Thank you my company!

Thank you Lord and thank you people for today! :)

*Oops, I am a bit bit annoyed today by decision to join the dinner or not. I decided not to because I didn't feel like to go. I get a bit bit bit worry too over my love's date with our sister this Friday. I trust Him, but still, I am worry. I think it's pretty normal! :)

Let's Rejoice!

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

Philippians 4:4

Honestly, I have not been living in joy or rejoice everyday in Him. My humanity characters fails to rejoice in Him sometimes in life. This was a message from Sunday sermon. I do feel sorry that I have not been rejoicing in Him as His daughter or as a Christian.

It isn't easy to be in joy all the time everyday, especially for person like me. For me, every little single things matters lot. I don't miss any little single things in my life, no matter how good or how bad it is. It is good if it is a good things/ news, but if it isn't, it trouble for me and people around me. I take note on things clearly.

My man said to me before, my happiness is his happiness. It makes him happy. He wants me to be happy everyday; enjoying every bits of my life, being generous , being open , being a bighearted person and being thankful. He says those attitude would help me. I try to, but I fail most of the time. My emo and ego of being a human are bigger and higher than the grace in myself. I am upset because of this sometimes. Why I am so bad or I am that bad questions always come to my mind. People would never know how upset myself to be my own self, but at the same time, I proud to live my life. At the other hand,  I wish I could be as nice as other people. I wish I could be someone who is generous and bighearted enough, but the reality is not. I haven't had a big enough heart to some people.  One of my prayer is begging that God would change me inside out to be someone better. I don't really feel that I have been changed, but seems that I am being changed slowly, another but is that one thing I could feel strongly is that I realize and I know clearly what I am doing to everyone. I realize if it is good or bad. I know if what I do is what I should do or shouldn't do. I would quickly draw my self back to Him and pray or I could quickly find the person closest to me and consult with them. I am not always happy in listening their advises or happy with the way they tell me something or advise me. My loved one always know. I get upset for a very short time, usually I will think about it, try to calm my self down and try to listen and accept what they say. I feel so great that there are still people who care me so much. They watch me carefully and tell me if I need to change something in my life. Like I said earlier, I am not always happy in listening their advises or happy with the way they tell me something or advise me.

My loved one would like me to be happy. I want to be happy too. My Heavenly Father wants me to be happy too. I am sure too my sister and my far away family want me to live happily too.  People around me also want me to be happy everyday and every time. Life won't promise us up days everyday. The wheel of life won't let us stay in the top forever, but one things, as Christian, I should always be reminded that my Father God is promising me much more than happiness on earth. The preacher was right. We, especially Christian has to be happy and always happy living as children of God. With His blood, we are saved.  We have the freedom and victory. He loves us and will always love us. His graces, love and His faithfulness are sufficient for everyone of us. He would fills us to the maximum. We just need again to letting our self go and letting Him come and has a full control of our life. Because all of these things, facts and His promises in the Bible, we should be happy and always rejoice in Him. I know it ain't easy. I can't guarantee and promise to Him that I will always be happy and rejoice in Him, but one thing I wanna start to do, I mean I would commit my self to do is having/ writing a thank you list (I don't choose to do it in thank you prayer as I forget to pray sometimes. I ask more than I thank Him. One thing I need to learn at the same time is being humble), learn to appreciate all things (little good or bad things means a lot), read His word daily (this is quite hard for me to be fully committed. I go out from the track sometimes, haih!!!) and learn to listen to Him and people. I would start to do this slowly so that things would get to be sure by time passes. I would pray that He would strengthen me and let me learn to rejoice in Him, my own self and others, every day and every time, any where and any time. 

Heavenly Father, help my self to find joy in You, my own self and other people so that I could rejoice for and in You everyday, every time, anywhere and anytime. Thank you Lord! Amen... Amen...Amen...

Living by Faith - 17.7.2011

After/ quoted from sermon on Sunday morning on July 17, 2011:

It was about living a life by faith as a Christian. It seems easy to apply the faith in Christian's daily life, but what I could say is it isn't as easy as it is said, especially in the situation that we are waiting for His answer over something. My self is sometimes in doubt of my God, Heavenly Father. I live in doubt and faith at the same time in certain times, exactly when I am praying and asking Him to help me in few areas of my life. Luckily, I always realize that I should trust Him and soon, prayed that He would sweep my doubt all away from myself. At least, when something goes wrong between me and Him, I know it and quickly draw my self back to Him.

Most of us forget that His thoughts and His way are far higher and greater than our thoughts and our ways. We seldom look beyond from His eyes on things in our life and forget that looking beyond what we can see actually give Him space to work in our life. We couldn't see how great He is because of problems that we have in life. One thing He promises us if that He is always at work in our life, but we forget as we don't see things in His perspective and we don't wait patiently. We expect direct answer from Him and a direct way by Himself in life. We don't seek and sink in searching Him sometimes. We forget about prayers, support from other Christians and His words.

I agree what was said by the preacher that it takes different faith to accept and to wait/ expect answer from our God, our Lord on things we ask or pray for. The faith to wait patiently is lots of different to faith when the answer comes to us, especially when it is not in or meet our expectation. When this times comes, people or ourselves should ask us a question, do we still love him? Do we still love Him when He is quite and asks us to wait patiently for His time? Do we still love him when the truth and reality are different from our expectation? Do we still believe and trust His ability to perform in our life? Honestly, I may not be able to love Him if I am in the situation. It is maybe. Of course, myself don't wish to be one of those with the shaken faith. I could tell you that I haven't had a strong base of faith now. I could feel that I am still doubt and still can be shaken sometimes. Letting my self go from self centered, trusting Him all my life and letting Him to control all my life are the only way I could really do to have a strong foundational of trust and faith. It is simply and the simplest way to live by faith in Him. I believe with prayers, support from people that where He puts me in, He would never let me go, unless I choose to go from Him. If things don't happen in my way or don't meet my expectation, I wish God could open my eyes and my heart so that I could understand His way, His thoughts and His purpose because I want to live a life that full of faith in Him.

Baby Shower Invite

Me and my bf got an invitation from our mom and dad to be for their baby girl shower party in August. It was a little pretty cute card and was a bit excited (not super excited maybe for some personal reason), but it changed after I read that ladies have to be in preggy look. Well, my excitement turns to worry and uncomfortable. I don't really like it anyway. The color codes were pink, violet or white. Colors for little baby girl, but for being preggy, I would vote for no. The organizer was asking us; ladies from the church if we were okay. Well, guess what? Everyone voted for YES! and me, so stupid being so honest (I expected that some would say no or mind it), I said no, I won't get to be comfortable with that preggy look. I am now, feel not to go...If I wanna go, I prefer other look except that preggy look. I just don't like and I believe there would be so much fun look to be there besides being preggy. Nothing to say, I may be going or may be not, depends, if I am going, I will just be in the color code without being preggy. If I have to do so, because I follow majority. I have done first mistakes, I was being so honest and not trying to compromise with them. Stupid me! Now, if I decide not to go, it would be trouble for my self in the future and I don't want to drag my man to be in with me. Let's see how the time bring me, Yes or No!!!???

I told my love that I want to have Bridal Shower, Baby Shower or party in the future. Well, honestly, I love party, being busy preparing the best for my guests and bring out the best for them, but one time, I was thrown with the question, partying time is great and going to be fun, it is how it is supposed to be, but what is your party would be burden for other people, just like what I deal and am face with now? (dress code, gift or extra expenses for the guests)...Well, it makes me to think carefully next time for my parties to come.

What are the best free things in life?

People get and take what they deserve. It is all about more or less. It doesn't matter if it is more or less, many and much, it is about how we appreciate all these things. I am not always doing good in appreciating and being thankful over those things. I could mess them up within a second, but from bottom of my heart a big thank you to you for being and giving those things to be a part of my life!

15.07.2011 - Nobody is perfect!

 I couldn't live a life that pleases everybody! I know that I am good enough or as good as other people, but things I could guarantee are these; I will try my best to be better, I will try hard to change my bad. 

I will follow the stream where the river is bringing me. Sometimes, it is out of the stream.

One thing I know, nobody is perfect! That is reality. If people don't change, you change. If people don't change, we accept it. Do the right things. Following majority doesn't mean you are good enough or bad enough. People usually get and take what they deserve. Beyond than that, I believe they may put and try extra effort. If you couldn't try and get extra luxury in socialization, it doesn't mean you are not good enough or bad. 

Be yourself, live your life to the fullest and have the vibe of change when you need to. 

Talk less and listen more. God gave us two ears and one mouth. That is the main purpose.

No one's life is perfect. If we are not able to meet people standards, it is not a sign that we are not doing well. Both parties need time to know each other better. Understanding, forgiving and compromising are the key words.

People could say anything about myself; how good and how bad I am. I have my own way and life. I have my personality and characters. I am proud of being me. Nobody is perfect!!! I will change my bad and accept people for who they are. As long as I am trying and there is one or two people are with me and supporting me, I believe I will be doing good in life. I will have a good life.

~Dedicated to people, especially Leny ~

14.07.2011

Lately, life has been good in the way that I shopped quite lots this months. I just bought two lotions from Faceshop; Milk Plus Creamy Body Lotion and one creamy floral lotion for my friend's birthday. It has 50% discount for these two items. Today, I bought two tops from Forever21 and they cost me RM67.00, quite cheap as I got another 10% discount. I love these two tops. It is simple and nice. I bought a gift for my bf's sister from Burts Bee; Mommy Belly Balm. I hope she would like it. :) Weeks ago, I also bought some fragrance oils from Lovely Lace for my sister and my auntie, as well as a house warming gift for my auntie. It was about RM175.00. Too bad, I didn't have the member card. If yes, I would get another 25% discount.

Sales is everywhere now. In some point, I can't resist my desire to shop. It is just too cheap for some items and definitely, I won't buy if there is no discount. Anyway, I am buying few things and shoes (I heart this so long) back in Indonesia. I just can't wait for it, hehehe...I am now in the midst of waiting, good luck Leny and enjoy! :)

This months passes quite fast. My pay is on its way too, as well as the bills. Paying time is coming soon. I have had a relaxing working weeks. I usually have two hours or more lunch hours lately and have been unmotivated. I am still able to manage the job on my hands. Now, I feel like, I will do if there is things to do, if nothing, I couldn't anything as well. I get my self ready for not getting a bonus this year., I have too Business is truly slow and I am getting worry too. Pros and cons, there are good and bad side of it. I just hope sales season will pass soon. Lastly, I am considering to get two flat shoes from Vincci. It cost me about RM30.00 ONLY because I have the RM50.00 voucher. Should I get it or wait for another season? I think I will get them...Haih...I couldn't resist. :( I should prioritize a lot fo things, my trips are coming, my sis wedding is on the way, Christmas and Chinese New Year are following them. Oh, this is a good year,as well as the year of expenses. I always want to learn to prioritize things in life and I hope I could really learn. :( I am not a stable money saver in certain parts of my life.

I read this sometimes ago from my daily bread and I found it so true and real!

Simplifying is really about choices. Prioritizing what is  important and then sticking to those choices, no matter how tempting it is to add more to your to-do and to-have list. In fact, take those tempting activities and put them on a list of things not to do and have. You are the only one who can assume responsibility for your time and clarify what is really important to you.

Well, it is really hard for me. I have a list what to have and what to do. Check it out!

1. Lotions (this is always)

2. A pair of nude shoes 

3. Jump suit (I need the real nice one) - not important

4. White colored bag (only when my only white bag broken, I hope not so soon, I am broke now) - not important

5. Purse for my two handphones (this is emergency need. My current one has been so dirty and ugly) - urgent

6. Oven (for baking, hahaha) - not important

7. Clutch for dinner (only when I found the one real nice with affordable price) - not important

8. Clothes (I am lady who wants to be pretty too. Affordable dress up is important)

9. Holiday (when I have extra money and time)

10. Hand cream - not so important

11. Gym to tone up ( I am doing it now, hahaha...Fail or success?) - important

I could only think about it for now...My mind tell me that is all, but who knows? Anyway, thanks God for everything that He has given to me; the ability to buy some extra things in life, the ability to purchase and to enjoy some luxuries in life..I. need to try harder to prioritize my things and try not to be easily tempted. Phewwwww...!!!





....and it is quite hard for lady, lady like me! :(

Little Thing Mean A Lot

I want to learn to appreciate and be thankful for every little things in my life for the good one and even the bad one. Cheers~

Life hardest lesson

I have been living on this earth for 22 years 3 months. One thing I realize that is knowing there is only one hardest lesson in life. It is not about learning something new or studying at school, college and university. Learning and studying of things are nothing compared to dealing with people; human being and living creature. It is the hardest life lesson. NO matter where we are. That is what I feel personally.

Born with higher level of selfishness, ego and jealousy, or those things maybe developed throughout the time, I do feel that learn to deal with people is the hardest thing to do. It is easy to say what to and not to do, but when it comes to the application, it is real tough. It requires extra effort than usual. It is always time when these thoughts would come; "sometimes, they just don't understand me!" , "why always me? they are so inconsiderate. can't they just try to be like that?", "maybe I can try to be not so care with them, just do what I wanna do and make me happy!...Yup, this kind of negative and pessimistic thoughts. 

There will come a time of giving up, losing hope and not so enjoying life. It is impossible to expecting people to fully understand ourselves, just like me, expecting some people would understand and know me better. I tell you that is 85 percent impossible. Long ago, I have decided to change my behavior and attitude, to change my way in dealing with people and human beings, praying hard for God's guidance and help so that I could be some one better. Things ain't easy. I doubt with my God sometimes. I feel like to give up sometimes and treat things like none of mine and their business. I hate them sometimes and I even hate my self. I don't enjoy my life at certain time and place.I fail most of the time to change and to be someone better. Things are easy said and hardly to do. Things may not done as what it is said and things may not said as what it is done. The imperfection is always there. Whatever I said, I really meant that. I am so sad if people said my action was not tally with my words. If it really happened, I am truly sorry. For real, I wanna change my self to be someone better.

One key word is learn to accept and change. I am reminded of God's saying to love my neighbors just like how I love my self. I tell you, it is the hardest things to do man!!! Sometimes, I pray that if I don't love my neighbors, but please at least, make me not to hate them. Honestly, I have higher level of emotional and jealousy then other normal people. I can't have my self to pretend to be okay when I am not okay. I have a shitty face that can express anything at anytime. Once, I don't feel happy then you will know I am not happy. I talk in quite straight forward way when I don't happy with your or what you do. Some people are sensitive to my expression changes. I don't care sometimes. I can't pretend. I have face born like that, not a smiley face born with...I am easily get emo over things I don't like to do, over things I wanna do when others don't want to do, over things that make me unhappy. Small matters matter lots to me. I care with every little things in my life. I always remind my self to learn to accept people for who they are. I can't deny that I fail most of the time and easily not to forget things that make me unhappy, sad and disappointment. I take note of that and would be more careful in the future how I should behave in the future and what I should and should not say to him/ her. That's so bad. The rapid changes between me and others can be noticed so easily. Some people may know and wonder. Some of it are seasonal and some are not, I guess.

I compare my self to others sometimes. I get jealous when a person is recognized more for what, especially she does and I am not. Ladies are just so narrow minded, I am one of them. Honestly, I am a person who can not really "put other people's egg high up". I know I am not sociable enough compared to others. I have my own way to deal with life. People may or may not like it. They may notice or may not notice about it. I don't care sometimes and am enjoying do things in my way to the best. Sometimes I care and feel sad when people don't see me; human habit to get acceptance and recognitions. I lose and put my focus wrongly. I know that clearly. Ohhh...I just hate my self sometimes. I am too bad man! You won't know me well maybe...Seeing me with a cute face, you won't know that I could be cruel and bad in talking sometimes. I can hurts you deeply. I wonder what people would say about me when I am gone, hahaha...One thing good would be great and more than enough! I am not being pessimistic. That is the truth. I don't deal well with my own sister, my own relationship, my relatives, my friends and even my brothers and sisters in the church. I am sad sometimes that my love has a bad lover compared to other couples at the church. Colleagues, my friends and my family in Christ maybe have to act extra be carefully and attentive when it come to deal with me who is so sensitive sometimes, emo and selfish.

Well, let me know how bad I am!

1. I am selfish

2. I am easily get emotional (sometimes yes sometimes not, depends who and what I deal with)

3. I don't able to really share with people

4. I don't deal with people sincerely (sometimes too)

5. I have a sour plum face with lemon

6. I don't understand other sometimes (expecting people to change at some points and don't try to know them well)

7. My brain is full of negativism

8. I am not being grateful and thankful most of the times (I forgot basically) 

9. I complaint about things and people too much

10.I am not good in listening

11....to be cont..

Basically, for me, socialization is now the most important things in life to be changed and improved. I wanna keep this in my prayer as I believe He will change me gradually. I am not sure how long. My God, please strengthen me in this life learning and studying lesson...I don't feel hard to study when I was in school, college and workplace, but it is damn hard for me to deal with people. I never do well.Thank you for people who have been supporting me all the time and keep me in prayers. I make you disappointed sometimes and I don't mean it, really...How much I wish I could be someone who is good, nice and kind just like others. 

Father, help my self and please have Your way in me!

Amen...

Amen...

Amen...

Thank you love!

Thank you for trying hard even it passed your maximum limitation.

♥

Lately life

Things that I want and that's it!

Father, there are only for things I want from You. Slowly but sure to get them all in Your time. Strengthen me, please!

1. I want to be changed inside out to be some one better by Yourself through people around me, the things happen and circumstances.

2. Drive all the negative and evil characters far away from me Father, please! At least, let me learn how to deal with them well; jealousy, negativism, selfishness and emotional

3. Gimme me Your graces, kindness and generosity towards people and things around me.

4. Let me self learn to be really thankful and grateful in my life in Your way.

I fail most of time. My words did not reflect my action. Both are not tally in its way. They are not meant just to be said. I really meant them. Sometimes, I just failed. :(

"The right thing is usually the hardest thing to do. Sometimes the wrong thing may seem like the right thing to do, and vice versa. But one thing I know for sure will ALWAYS be the right thing to do is PRAY and ask God to give us the best."