Christmas Accesories

Christmas is always about beautiful things :)

My creations

I love my new hobby. Making bows and all, not cheap hobby though. I love them. Here are my some creations

.

Early Merry Christmas to our BB members

10 days to Christmas...but for all our 21st Penang Boys' Brigade, early Merry Christmas to you all...May the peace and joy of Jesus Christ be with you for days to come ♡

Weddings blooms

Me and my man had attended few weddings this year. As usual, I always get excited whenever and who ever that was; to dress up, this and that, well...It was my man's friends most of the time, hahaha, not mine!!!

I am so happy for them, even I really know them or not. It is just a natural reaction I guess. I am kinda excited for my own anyway. Honestly, my families would sometimes asked me about it, when will you get married? I would just smile and not so soon is always my answer. I am okay with that now; when I am being asked with this type of question.

I believe my man is asked even more about it because he is much much much older than me, hahahahaha...I am sorry to say so dear, but you are. I just hope she is okay for being asked too, even though with all friends around him are married. I believe we have our own time for it. We will just pray. No rush for it too anyway.

Recently, we talk more about it now compared to time before. I am happy to talk about it too, hahaha...It means both of us are now being more open to each other and because both of us believe, maybe me believe that time seems to come soon.

I am so thankful to him and his families that never force or rush him about marriage, considering his old age, hahahhaha..Sorry dear! At the moment, especially when I am still studying now, he is not at all asking me, until I am the one who talk about it. I am really thankful for that. At least, I can study and focus on that now. I know from the start he is always ready for marriage but not me, I am is the problem because I am still so young and cute to be a wife. I am not mature and growing up well yet. Hehehe, for him, I may be only little girl.

Well, I have no rush too, just kinda excited for my day someday in the future. He is not rushing for it. We believe the time would come when He allows it. Happy wedding to all who tie knot this year! Be blessed and happy ever after! :)

~Christmas is now in the air~

Woots woots!

December is coming, I can't wait for holidays, the sales, coming up parties/ dinners and Christmas most importantly. As always and classic, Christmas is all time favorite. How much I wish I would experience Christmas in Western countries, someday in future. The Christmas music, ornaments, decorations, gifts, sthe snow, Christmas trees, every bit of it...Ohhh...so nice!!!! Well, I have been busy preparing Christmas gifts and hope that my exam would be over soon. I hate the feeling, hahaha...I want the three days over soon, Thursday, Friday of this week and the next Sunday, 9 Dec and I am free and I am totally ready for Christmas. :)

I have been preparing my handmade gifts for all my girls in the Boys; Brigade. I enjoy my new hobby and I could actually spend my whole time by making bows and ribbons, browsing the internet for tutorials and that is not good in my exam season. :( 

I really enjoy it and I am happy. Thinking to make and sell it, but quite impossible since one of my friend is making them and selling them too. I don't want to create any hard feelings, but I am really eager to find a way selling them just for fun, hobby and little bit extra money! Muahahahahaha...

My online business is doing okay so far and it's seasonal, sometimes good and not. But still okay, I shopped too anyway for me, my nephew, this and that hahahaha...Oh ladies, why is shopping can't never be apart of us?!? Shopping is never ends, I try to control as well, hehehehe...Talking about online shopping, well, it is really convenience and sometimes, much more cheaper, depends on your skill and technique too. Don't simply spend, I always remind my self, but end of year, more expenses is always there for weddings and Christmas and holiday. 

I have been busy too for almost a month arranging and assisting my Junior Intensive Class in the Boys' Brigade to get their gold award. It is totally exhausting and tiring, it is quite stressing, but there is nothing could be compared with their achievement. The total and maximum satisfaction are there. I hope everyone of them enjoy their time in Junior and of course, get their gold awards and I believe they would. Ohh, a bit sad letting them to go on Senior as I just really develop a relationship with them. Well, time for them to grow. It never comes to my mind that, serving in the ministry is taking half of my time really. I am not complaining, I complain sometimes, but I am happy and enjoy each bitter and sweet with them, the members, the officers, my love and all arguments and conflict, make us stronger and gonna change and improve us in future. I can't wait too for next year, it is gonna be an awesome year too for everyone, you, me and them.

I wish me have a breakthrough this year. I am not so sure I am having a great breakthrough this year. In relationship wise, I could so okay, not so good or bad. It comes and go, tighter or loosen. Every moment counts and make me ponder well, what the real relationship is. As shared by my Pastor yesterday about relationship, the way we view them would affect the way we treat them. It is 100% correct. We tend to be good to person that we like and just so so to those we don't really like. I am one of them. I hope I could restore all my relationship. I need my Lord's help. I could not do it alone. For this, I really prayed that God would really open my heart and change, lead me.Amen!

 Last but not least, I can't wait for my exam to be done soon and I am totally ready for Christmas. My Christmas mood has been on before months.

He will open the door for me, I still believe!

Being a Christian is not easy. Prayers will not be answer directly when you pray about it. You still have doubt and so do I. I question His existence in my life, and even His blessings.  My man always told me that I am being thankful enough in my life. Yes, that is the fact. I am human, a sinner and still complain and compare. I am learning all this life to be more and more like Him and would like to treasure it my self.

I complain still, but one thing I still believe that is I am who I am today, with all I do and I have, He is my master. For the job, for the courage to start my study again, my ministry, serving in a totally new ministry for me, my life and all, it is His blessings. All doors open for me, because He opens it. He knows that I am complaining about my job and want to change to a new one. He used things and people that I think, it's what He want me to do, but Lord, once again You remind me that You will open the door for Your people and no one would be able to close and You close the door and no one would open it.

I know Lord, that job, serving in ministry may not be the way for me yet, but somehow, please continue to use me and my man to serve You and Your people. Strengthen us too and have Your way in us. Amen!

Father Lord,

for all,

please have Your way in me.

In my job especially, may You lead me to worship You through my work.

In my study, please give me wisdom Lord.

In my life, may I live Your will out and become more and more like you.

In the ministry, strengthen me inside out to serve those children and people related and I work with.

In my relationship, bless us Lord.

Let me be able to be his support, anytime and anywhere.

Also, to have a good relationship with all his families and friends, my families, friends, relatives, my colleagues.

Blessed be Your name.

Amen.

Continues from the previous post :)

....Well, I am not sure what happened with the last post up settings, there was mistake in typing and I could not edit it, and that was why it seems hang somewhere in the last paragraph.

I talked a lot about my spiritual life and a bit of social life, my study and few things, and now, my relationship. I am no longer single and available. I am owned. I thank God for himself, as a my partner, my friend, my best friend, my family and even my enemy. We have so much ups and downs, happy and sad times, we are all together. I could say no one know me better than him. There are few people, but he is one of them. He knows the worst of myself too.

I try to cherish every moment with him, but sometimes, we just did not click and things does not go in my or his way and we had small argument. For me, little single thing matters a lot and I get moody because of these little things; when he was busy with his gadget, not really talking to me. I may not be understanding enough for him sometimes, especially if he is tired or enjoying his gadget and all. I want and tend to have his attention most onto me most of the time. So, sometimes, if we do not talk much, I may think this and that. He said I think and worry too much. Yes, I am!!! :)

Hmmm...This is our third year being together. I appreciated everything and every time we spent and would spend in future. For everything he did, my thanks would never be enough to thank him. I know, everyone know that he loves me so much. I know that too...Thanks Melvin Seah Yew Chin!*wink* wink* Me love you too!

Anyway, he is really the type who say I love you through actions, until one point that, I compared and complain to him that why you never be romantic enough? Hahahaha...He said I am demanding and hardly to fulfill and know exactly what I want. He feel restless sometimes because of me. I am truly sorry too. My way loving him may be different from the way he wanted me actually wanna be. I am not yet be the kind hearted lover, understanding, generous and not selfish lover, everyone wanna be one for sure. Me too! Hopefully that would really come to me one day! Not much I hope besides blessings from Him and people around us upon our relationship! May this and us be blessed and be blessings :)

Ps:

Do cherish each moment and time, try harder and put effort. Taking care and planting the relationship just like planting the tree; enough fertilizer, sun, water. Thanks for reminding me on this. I love you and thanks. 

Argh...! I am back~

kuk    

Dear blog,

I am back...!!! Truly sorry for being lazy (my hand especially, not my heart, hahaha...). Honestly, I miss blogging, but laziness gets its biggest portions these few months. I miss a lot of thing to write for sure. Alot of things, good and bad things have been happening. Some even worst. Good and memory huh...?

Mentally, I realize I have been played hard a lot and it makes me lazy, not in sport, or study, but in many things, working, even in my social life. I know few things go wrong and out of track recently, and it is hard though to get them each back to each track, really hard. It requires more and more of my time management, self-discipline, commitment and responsibility. Somehow, it makes me miss my self in school and college before. I wonder how I am so into time management, self-discipline, commitment and responsibility much more than now. I got lazy worms too those moments, but this is worse la....Sometimes, I always have excuse for my self, "Nah...It's okay! I would fight after this and that!"/ "It's okay, still few weeks and months to go, I can make it!"/ "I am tired, well...save it for tomorrow" and guess what, it goes on and on...!

I have been studying part time and this is my second semester. Honestly, I never opened my book and study for all this while since the second semester starts. I delayed them too often and into real lazy mood now. I studied and read only when I need to finish my assignment and it is quite rush. With things in mind to do just okay, I finish them okay-ly as well with fear too that I may not get a good mark. Well, I get my self get up for it sometimes, wanna fight for it and yes, do it well, but sometimes, well...it is only for degree sake that I do this. Every time, I am asking my Lord for a new fresh pour on me. I waste quite a lot of time on other stuffs than my study actually.

I am into my online shop too much recently, setting up the business online in FB not easy and wastes a lot of time honestly. Business is there but not really big money earned like others. It is kind of things I like to do, hobby and for side pocket money. I know why my man does not support me. I am trying to balance all up, but it seems that I fail quite often; about it and study, about it and my own sweet time and my social life. At the other side, since I am quite losing my interest in my current job and work just for living, not real passion, this online shop is the one fill my passion, hahahaha...Changing a job not a good options now as I need to support my self for my study, car loan and insurance, my current job has been great and good enough for me to have it all, even include my need for leisure and entertainment.

I tend to forgot how desperate I was at the first time when I needed a job. This job is a gift from Him. I know I have not been enough thankful and grateful most of time. I still complain and my man hates it so much. I understand, but sometimes, I really want to work for job I have passion with just like others or I dream before. Pros and cons for each job. Changing job does not mean good for me. It makes me realize that sometimes in live, you just need to work just for living. That's it. Just like me now, study part time for degree???

I do not wanna live a life that study only for the certificate and work just for living, but this is the stage I am in now and yes, let's fight for it huh!!! Would not it be a better and maybe the best option for me? Life is not as always wanted or expected. Things go wrong and what I need maybe just a different perspective.

Spiritually too, I have been quite far from close to Him, but I know and believe that He would never leave me. I still say a prayer when I wake up in the morning and before I sleep even in the middle of my activities throughout the day; when I feel bored, sad, prayer asking this and that, or even after I complained or bad-mouth things/ people/ person. I am just a real sinner. I have not up to the level as truly Christian, live liking Him in characters. Forgive me Lord, and please guide me through towards this, living in the way You want me to be, not now maybe, but one day, I believe.

I have not finish reading my bible. It has been in my resolution lists this year and year before. I am super sad for that. Why why why? :( Really sad...! I should have find a solutions in the beginning of the year, even we have bible class, it is kind like on and off, sometimes, I feel good after so many activities and finally, the class was canceled and I don't really understand too...but at the other hand, it is like...well, how I help my self grow spiritually. Praying is one of it, but without initiative and willingness to keep ourselves close to Him, I know everything is non-sense and would do nothing to me too.

After all, I know how good He is to me, as always. Another biggest event happening was my new born nephew who was diagnosed with some heart problem when he was born. It was so devastated. I felt like He was punishing me and my sister. My nephew is the first child born in my own family and it happened like he is worth nothing to God and my sister. Come to worst, I was so scared that he would be taken by Him and just gone, but thank God for His faithfulness to me, not my faithfulness to Him, He is too good to me. He reminds me how much He loves me once again. With all prayer support from my love, my church's families, my families, he recovered 100% from the illness and according to the doctor, it was miracle that he was fully recovered.

Nothing could limit His love, it is US that limit Him to do awesome things in life. Once again, He reminds me that I need to trust Him more and more, to lay down my life, my needs, my worry and all my self before Him. Forgive me oh Lord that sometimes, at the moment I am writing this, I do doubt about you still, when good things did not happen, when bad things happen, I question about Your existence and Your love. Do please fix me Lord, to set You be my center and focus. Let me learn to be more and more faithful in You regardless any circumstances.

Hmmm...This song has been played recently in my favorite online radio and I am always confirmed with His love that one thing would remind forever is that His love would never give me up. (One Thing Remains by Kristian Stanfill)

I heart this too :)

That was my spiritual life recently. Anyway, it has been shortened. I just wanna keep praying that God would draw me close and closer to Him and never never never never never ever let me go, amen! :)

14.09.2012 -11.42pm

I would be on leave tomorrow for medical check up and my study, that is why I am still awake at this moment and continue this post because I feel lie and need to write.

*like (I don't know why I could not type on the lie error above)
Hmm...Generally with my families, relatives, friends or my colleagues, well...I think I do okay and at some point, I did complain, I did gossip, still I did still mistakes :) I could not please anyone with my attitude and behaviour, no one could but at least some people would do it better than me. One thing I am sure, I miss my families, my sister and my long lost contact best friend, as well as my college and school time extremely. I hope I could stop the time and go back for awhile. I do enjoy my outings with my friends and colleagues.Honestly, in 2012, I did only have two outings with my colleagues and two with my college's best friends. I enjoyed and had a great time, happy sweet time and sometimes,I wish the day would never end so we could have talk an share more. I appreciated the time and their selves. I realize I rarely have girls date with my church members, excluded those weekend outings. I am considered to be one of the most unsociable persons ever, hahaha...Sad, but that is the truth. I did not click well with everyone, but this year, I guess one outing is another happy and blessed moment was the dinner at David Browns Tea Terrace and Restaurant at Penang Hill. It was actually a gathering of my love, Eric, See Hoon, Pei Pei and Jia Wei,  I just hopped in and I enjoyed it so much~

My life is just hard sometimes. Myself is my own biggest enemy. I need to breakthrough a lot of things, I know my bad and what to change, but it is so hard.People said things take time, but mine was like taking forever. Thinking about it sometimes makes me so sad and depressed, hahaha....Not depressed, but just sad and like blaming my self with why why why. I need still to learn and improve my skill, but I realize that myself seem to get worse and worse, I did not feel myself was this bad before...I really don't know what is the problems and reasons, that is the saddest part. :)

Ugly Confessions

I have made few ugly confessions in life to my man this year.

#No.1 Confession#

I once ever told him that whenever I join the group of friends in my church in any place for any outing recently, I just never feel I am good enough for that. I could not see the good in me. It is like I have to dig my brain out to think how I should act and behave when I am with them. I can't enjoy much and when I am with them, I guess I am not me, the real me. He said I am too serious, taking everything so serious and that was why I could click to them. Well, okay, I take it and I wanna change, but things never get better I guess. I am just tired sometimes.It is not the same with olden days. Well, maybe I change and that is my bad and I am the one who responsible for that.

#No.2 Confession#

Serving in the BB ministry is not easy. I told him I felt like to redraw myself from the ministry as I could not get along well with those young boys and girls. He told me the consequences and all and it was not right for me to give up at just the beginning. Maybe me and my man were called to serve in this ministry. May God would give me a servant heart and strength each day to deal with them. I was told, prayer is the most powerful tool ever. 

#No.3 Confession#

I told my man that I like a guy I met in camp. It was the ugliest I think. I told him because I feel guilty and feeling I need to tell him. Even he was okay with that and had thought that was my childish, but I just don't like. Since I am with my man for years, almost 3 years, no one I could ever like, hahaha... I just wish this is only a liking and would be only good close friends. :)

To be continue ~

Another blessed moment

There was a song saying that there are not many good things in this life and we can't have them all. Another quote said everyday of life may not be a good day, but there is always something good and I believe so.:)

There was in March, end of March, another blessing came and I am blessed again. It was the Convergence Camp on 29 March to 31 March 2012. It is an annual camp for all FGA youths in all over Malaysia; Batu Pahat, Ipoh, Miri, Segamat, Psalm Ministry Penang, River of Life Bandar Puteri, Seremban, Taiping and River of Life Segambut.. It was a kind of combine gospel and leadership camp for youths from those FGA. I never heard of it and somehow, I was called by one of my church's Pastor to help out and it was a YES from me to be involved in it because I feel like I wanna do and join, I like organizing event/ camp stuffs like this, I wanna meet new friends, I wanna have fun and learn something new. I was excited at the first and kind feeling nervous because it meant I have more things to do besides my job, my study and my others things, and I am scared I could not do it well and worry that I won't be able to mix with them, new group of people that I never meet before and spend time with them in camp, it was like "no lah, scary!" hhaha. Initially, I was like, "Okay, I will just help the planning and I would tell them I could not go because of my job!" and that was it in my mind.

I never meet them, I met them virtually through FB photos and all, and I worked with the rest of the committee online too, cool huh? We met in skype, facebook and emails. It was like, "WOW, just cool as I never has this kind before!". I helped a lot in the accommodation which helped by Hui Jen, a brother from my English church, and he really helped a lot hahaha, foods and budgeting which later on was taken over by Paik Li, my new sister in Taiping. I tried best to provide them with the best I could do and what Penang could offer them. I don't know how, finally I joined the camp. I knew that I was planning about my leave for that actually. Main reason is because I wanna have a break and have fun even I was nervous too, that I gonna work with people I never met and spend days with them. 

...and the day came.I took one day off and met them in KFC on 29 March, well...nervous!!! Hahahaa, but ehhh...I was wrong, they are so friendly and older than me actually, they are like my sister and brother, yet they are fun people and nice! They talked a lot and asked a lot too and finally they know a bit of my past and I was okay with that. First, I didn't want to say, thinking of bluffing them, but I just told them :) From the first meeting, I feel like I know them so so long. We get along fast. We talked a lot, asked this and that and honestly, I have never met a group people that even in daily conversation, they praise Lord a lot, they said positive things and thanked God a lot. I felt so "malu" when I bought them a drink, they thanked me and blessed me and for every little single thing, they said good things about God a lot, praising Him and worshiping Him. Oh, I was thinking, when could be someone that think so positive in life, say good things, worshiping Him in whatever I do in life? Long way for me to, even now, I could not and have not been in that 30% I guess, hahaa...

Back to the weekend, we did a lot during the camp. The speaker shared about those leaders in Bible. They were David, Esther, Nehemiah and few others. We sang a lot, we have that quiet time to pray, we were blessed as well by those speakers' and friend's prayer....and I was exposed too to different style of worship, songs and one again, it opened my eyes and my mind that there are so much talented young man out there and we got to do something. By attending this camp, it made again realize that serving Him is a privilege that given to us, not us doing a favor to Him. We are chosen. That faithful, servant and steadfast heart are the key. We need to obey Him, no matter what that is. It is important that we obey than we sacrifice in serving Him and people. Every time, I asked for prayer, I asked for grace and a servant heart, because I never be graceful enough to people.:)

Once in the camp too, I met a girl is that almost the same with me. I guess I should be thankful that even I lost my parent and I am an orphan, I am still luckier than her. She was youth leader in the church and a good drummer. Her passion and her thoughts really woke me up and assure me that He is the only one we should depend on. He is the only one that could give us unconditional love. Well, she was adopted and now she is living with her mum. She lost her dad years ago. The only thing that she is scared of is losing her mum again. I know how that feeling is. She never knew who her biological parents are, but she is just thankful and God' love, Abba Father is the thing that hold her until now. She told me the same, we still have God even we lose everything in the world. It just amazed me that how could someone live that way. My man told me many times before and again she told me that we should live by faith in Him with His unconditional love. May I be able to live my life that way too, believing He is my Father, my supplier and my provider.

A lot of good things happened during the camp. I felt touched, blessed in the weekend. Meeting His people from different places, taught me a lot of things. How to be positive, be sincere and passionate in serving Him and how we should act while we serve Him. One more things is that, I am so happy to get another family in Him, I still believe, He took few things out of my life and He would give more for that in this life. He is always good and I forget about that sometimes because of my emotion and bad thoughts. Attending the camp, make me wanna do something for the youth now, as now I am not in the youth, it is kind of hard to share about what movement or what awaken things we should do as a youth and leader in the church. I just told the youth leader that let me know if they need help to reach out as I have contacts with those youths in Penang or other places and that is all I could do. It is not that I don't want to share with them what I learnt and what I wish we could do together. Honestly, I have kind of redrawn from my self from the youth teams. I redrew my self form cell group too due to my personal schedule and needs. Now, I am attending Young Working Adults Group with the English section. In some way, I just feel I belong to them better than in my own church group. I maybe have been so negative, judgmental and other else, but that is what I feel. Is it maybe I know them well and they know too well that things happened and I decided to do so, I am not sure for that really. They have youth jamming every Saturday, but I was never invited and I believe they may think I don't want, they may think I would have spend time with my man, or maybe it is just for youth or may be I should tell them that I wanna be a part of it. :) I don't know and I have no idea for that. I would blame myself for that I just poor in social skill and my own personal characters that is just not good.

Well, after all, once again, I just wanna do what I could do in the ministry serving Him, whatever His called is. Even I could not be a part of some things or few things in church, at least I am doing something for one person and that is enough I guess. There sure will be a jealousy, I believe. Even I could not be a part of them anymore, it is good to see they all grow and bonded. :) God, just use and call me then for Your work, whatever is that. :) I think I am ready??? I don't know really. Ah, it is out of topic of the blessed moment I guess, so random.

Well ya, Thanks God, You blessed me with this moment by joining the camp, by giving me a chance to be a part of it, to be blessed by those people that I know. I am just happy that weekend, one of the happiest in this year.I feel like I found back my true colors and my laugh. :)

Thanks everyone and I miss you guys! Xoxo

10 OR 11/4/2012

Finally today, I got to write again after weeks, months maybe. So many and so much things happened, bad times and good times for sure in all aspects of life, included my study, my job and my personal life. Again, I could not really recall what happened and how life was, ah...I just now good things and bad things happened in life.

Recently, I was stuck and struggle with super small and little and tiny online business I have with my BF's sister...Well, I would say and give our partnership as 2 out of 5 points. Honestly, I regret asking her to join me :( We just could not get along really well as both of us expected maybe. Ah... I could not say anything, one thing to comfort me, I have to learn to deal, to cope and handle with it. It shows me once again that I am not really good working in group/ team. It is a sad thing, but a fact I have to accept. I will try hard anyway. I have too. I just hope this little business will not break or affect our relationship. Somehow still, I could see it bring a little impact in relationship amongst us. Oh God, help me please, give me wisdom in my human/ social skill. It has been my prayer all this time, do I change?

Then, still about my study. This month is my fourth month and I haven't seen and notice any good habits from my self to study :( I feel like to give up sometimes and unmotivated at the same time. It is not easy to study while working. Not to say, I am so busy with big projects and stuffs like those big people, have no time, this and that, but I just feel some how, compared to full time student, me as a part time student have to put effort three to four times more. With other stuffs and things on hand, it really depends on time management and self discipline and the truth is I am just so far and out from this until now. I hope I could get my college spirit back soon before the assignment due date and exam in June >.<

Life goes on still, and I realize time flies and it's April now. My exam is also coming soon, assignment due date in weeks time, and many things are up from my ministry in Boys' Brigade in this April, June and August. Packed, hectic, fun and tiring at the same time and sometimes,I hope time could stop for awhile so I can rest and have my own sweet time.

I also have made a decision to redraw myself from leading cell group due to my schedule and personal reason. It is one of my resolution, but now I got to leave it and keep it, but still, I decided to serve those young teens in my own way and space. May God still and would always use me to help and care of them. I hope still to surprise myself by end of the year with something even more from my resolutions. I am sorry in some way for making this decision, some people just think I may need to have time for my own self. I really decided once after I realize again how important actually focus is in His ministry. I could not do all at the same time and expect I would always do well too. Amongst all, I decide to focus in Boys' Brigade ministry and worship team only, and of course helping here and there is necessary. Youth camp would be up in December and I have decided to join one of the committee's department. It seems the whole year things to do list has been listed out well and it is quite pack days anyway.

Ministry in the church has been quite a headache for me. It is supposed to be joyful things to do, but not for me sometimes. I think too much maybe. Besides that, there are some factors that I believe make me feel in certain way and certain thought;my background, my personality, my behavior, the way I do things, the way I think and all play a role here. What ever is that, I will keep in prayer that God may give me more wisdom, grace and positive energy to my self, inside and outside me, and give me strength upon strength to go on in my life, in every aspects. I am ready to be used by God in any place He needs me, even not in my own church.I am just ready Lord after all, I give you this heart really, give me more grace and a servant heart, then used, anytime and anywhere.

I have decided  too, to do and join more things to let my spiritual life grows. I don't want to be limited by certain things and people in life. I just met a friend in camp I attended weeks before, she shared to me God loves for her self since she lost his father and until finally, she found out that she was adopted. She could live everyday because she believes God is with her, the unconditional love of Abba Father is all she needs and the most important thing in her life to keep her going with her mom. The only thing she worries is losing her mum.I understand the feeling she has, but I believe, she would be able to cope with it, at least better and stronger than me who actually lost my parents and my brother. At least, I knew both who were my biological parents. Anne and auntie Grace, my prayer will be with you always, I miss you guys anyway! :) Father, please be with them always, bless and love them with Your unfailing love. Hold in any moments of their life.

Well, it comes about my job again. Nothing much, still about the busyness and the complex cases/ report from clients.There has been a good change in company policies. All I could say is more than enough for me now; pay, days off, benefits and all. Even I still complain sometimes for certain things XD It has been busy days since 2012. Since it was just acquired by Thomson Reuters and as we know, the bigger is the company, the more complex is the system and it is so TRUE. I realize there are so many links and password to remember, included my distant learning student portal and other personal sites. For this aspect of life, I just wanna keep remind myself to be thankful and grateful (which sometime I don't), I just want strength and wisdom in dealing with job and my colleagues. I want to live a life that glorify His name through what I say, what I do, what I think and all, even the simplest things. I haven't life that life yet anyway. :) Jesus, lead me to the righteousness, to live out the Christian live wherever I am in what ever I do, may all glory be to You ONLY. Amen! :)

This piece would come to an end. I did not really write exactly. I forgot some details and event in my life. I hope I could write more and more next time in the midst of my busy schedule.I just feel good after writing all. Well, see you soon in next piece of writing. It would be about another blessed moment in my life. :))

This is Love

Thanks Diana for sharing! *love*

Over the Rainbow

I have been OFF blogging for one month plus. It has been hectic months and weeks, from my study, my job, my personal life, my ministry at my church and one more new activity; online shop!

Tiring but fun and full of satisfaction at the end. My workload is crazy enough until next week. Hopefully, it'd slow down a bit and we got to rest awhile at least. After all, we got a good news from Reuters that bought us over. Some great changes are happening soon and I guess we should be thankful and grateful, but I don't think everyone does the same. Now, we have 20 days leave with one day added for each year completed maximum to 25 days. We now have flexi spending account up to RM750.00 per year for dental and medical care health. We got reward on our b'day too. They offer foreign worker for EPF overseas programme which is more likely to investment. At least, there is a good news for everyone of us! Thanks God for all these, especially the leaves and the flexi spending, I need that.

Then about my study, I haven't really touch my book and study hard. I just passed up three assignments last weekend and three are coming up in the third week of March, and last three in April and finally, exam in June, so fast man!!!! XD I did a timetable for myself, but I didn't follow them, I can't. There are quite numbers of family visits this time till next week. Next week, I will be busy on my assignment too, as well as my job.

Guys, I am doing another new things anyway, besides my ministry at church too. One of the trend now, it's online shopping. I open one in Facebook and so far,  I am doing okay. Excited and feel down, when there is no business. After all, I keep reminding my self, they are not my main focus. I start because of the chance given by Him, I believe and support. I hope it won't bother and take up much of my time for managing this. I am happy with it now. Doing slowly and right! Thanks for all support, they are more to come! :)

Lastly for my ministry in BB and CG, it's becoming more and more busy in BB ministry with my junior intensive class and as the Secretary of the company. Two mains events are coming up; Brigade Council Meeting in April at Malacca and BB PESTA 2012 in June at JB. We will be joining these two main events; meeting, dancing and singing in BB PESTA 2012. We haven't start practice yet, hopefully few things would be settled and decided, so we could start next week. I am excited for singing and dancing part. Pray for us readers, may God be with us throughout the process with those boys, girls and officers.

Busy life, hectic schedule means tiring day but yet maybe fun, up and downs, I just hope God would guide me in every action that I make, every word that I say, my thought and my mind.

 

*pray for me if you read this, I need God really in my life; His mercy, His love, His grace to me. I changed a lot, from sweet nice lady to be someone worse, people admitted that, even the person I am closest too* 

My days in hometown@21Jan 2012 - 24 Jan 2012

Today is the 4th day of Lunar New Year. I was back to Penang on the 2nd day. It was a very short holiday but it made just enough. Well, here below are some of my memories when I was in Medan for my CNY holidays! I had a good time and a low time too...

Thanks everyone for making my good times and joy there! :)

It is not the same with the last time I went back to Medan. My sister was married. I usually have that purpose of visiting her and my high school friends/ teacher every time I went back and not this time. I felt so lazy and a bit bored, but still okay for me. I had fun and the joy and low time too. I gathered with my family for reunion dinner and CNY. We took pictures and competing in getting more and more red pocket. One thing I missed is only my sister. Not only about missing her, but also not having her around during the festive season or even just for my visitation, she was not around. We only met not more than one hour when I was in my aunt house and it was not enough for sure.

I am happy that she is pregnant now. I hope she would doing fine with her new family and husband. After all, myself, as her sister, the one who supposed to support her, for another time, I felt disappointed towards her. I really don't understand what is inside her head and heart. Simply I could day is another complaint from my uncle (dad's side) upon us, both of us. He phoned my aunt (my mom's sis at Jakarta) and told her how disappointed himself towards us. Well, I don't mind what he thinks about me, but not my sister. They are not even trying to understand me and my sister. Not only living as orphans for years, but also how the bond is that we have with them. Years come, and I get better with them. I try hard, but I could see, not to my sister. Ever since she had a boyfriend who is now her husband, my aunt (mu uncle from my dad's side wife) said she changed a lot and until she got married. I try to be one who supported her, even I can't. I used to teach her this and that and until now, I do so. I am just tired when all I do is try to help her, but herself never try to help hew own self. She blamed me that I always think about my relatives; how they think and look at us. It could not be my main purpose. All I do is just to protect her. Selfishly and worst I could say is her husband maybe the mistake. I want to let the past go and hope she would develop that better relationship with my relatives when I am away. I hope her marriage could be a open gate for her heart and mind about the family bonding, sisterhood and all, but I made mistake. I heard another aunt (my mom's sister) said that before she married, she said it would get better by just marrying a man. I know and understand the pressure that she has when it was about living with your relatives, worked with them, stayed with them, I had the same, but thankfully I am not in Medan anymore, even so, I still could feel that pressure sometimes. My family is a type of a very Chinese and traditional family. They respect highly what we called manner and all. Maybe me and my sister could not do that well and made them feel the bad and disappointment. 

As like in festive season, days before, I always remind my sister, to go back and visit them once, to go out and hang around my my cousins and all, just to spend time and remember. No matter how busy, how hate or dislike, you should just spare time, even a text message asking how they are doing is more than enough. I reminded my sister to called all my main relatives on CNY morning to greet them in which I expected herself and her husband would call and greet them. I knew my sister called, but not her husband. Well, I could say that was the another biggest mistake ever. From the first, I know my relatives have been not really supportive towards my sister relationship. There are so many factors and rumors going on, even until they get married. Too many misunderstanding between them; two families. I didn't blame any family who would choose to go for holiday rather than visiting families and friends doing CNY, but my sis and her husband actually should not do so in my opinion. Simple, it is the first year of CNY where my sister just married him. His family should pay visit before they went to holiday, but they didn't. I knew my sister's husband didn't called them up to greet them. I have no words to say. I didn't dare to talk about my sister in front of them/ in the gathering. I didn't dare to ask my cousins if they phoned my sister and his husband to greet them a happy CNY or not. I tried to avoid the conversation basically; helping her so that at least, she and family would look good, but not her. She said I am thinking too much about them. I am not, I just want herself to develop that better relationship, so that when some unexpected things happen, my relatives there would help and support her, but after all, I know it is all back to her to decide and think wisely. I lose that sisterhood forever I know, I lose that trust from her, my words and all maybe offended herself and her new family, but honestly, 100% I have no idea what is in her head and heart and how she thinks. We fail her.

At the other side, my family should learn to let her go with her new family and should understand us better. I hope my sister's husband could be a constructive, positive person with an action, a person who is not only his-family-oriented, but also a person who could think wisely, not only talk wisely, a person could have a will to develop that relationship with my sister's family.  A good ordinary man. Honestly, his impression to me is fading away. All complaints, rumors and things happened, affected me for sure. I hope I won't have to label my sister's husband. Like my aunt (my mom's sister) said, as long as her husband and family love her till the end of time, let it be!

I hope I could. I just hope I will let those worry and all die in my heart just before I leave the earth. I don't want to have another regret in my life.

Another new journey starts...

Well, the year of 2012 just starts and a lot of new things, challenges and even new resolutions from me are up. My long awaited decision to further my study finally came to an end and I signed up yesterday. If I am going to wait again and think, I will never complete one. Thanks God that He assists me throughout the years, starting from my decision to work first after Diploma, good job and all, He opened another gateway for me again for my dream to come true. With support from my boyfriend and relatives, well...I am now a part time student soon at Wawasan Open University. I am taking degree in Business Management and would get the Bachelor Degree in three years. I believe time flies so fast. I am getting nervous and scared anyway.

I have been off from my study for almost 2 years plus and now, I will doing it again. I worry if I still can study, manage my time like I studied before. I have class once a month on one of the Saturday and Sunday. It is a real and true self learning. It gives us the material and all those documents  on how the nature of study is. One word I could say is that all of them are so high technology stuff. I wonder if I would manage them well. Even before class start, I have known my assignments for three subjects I take this semester. I have total 9 assignment this semester. The exam timetable is out as well and yeah, I am really scared if I could study well while working and manage my time just well for everything.

Somehow with my busy schedule, I get to be off in my BB ministry once a month for class and give up few things if my time could not match them. Long to go, but few changes are coming up too. I will have my first class this coming weekend after CNY and I have to read all my books before class starts at least. So I know what problem I have. I am really scared and nervous inside. Ah, more thing I wanna say thanks is for the option available in the university that I could pay my fees monthly. It helps me a lot. Besides well and good time management, I need to take another higher step for my financial management.

Wish me luck everyone!

Just before end of today and a busy week ahead, I wanna wish everyone a happy, prosperous, wealthy and healthy new year. May good luck and good fortune always be with you in the year of Dragon! =)

Happy Birthday to you!

Today, I am celebrating the big day of my  my amazing friend, lover and enemy.

He is ALL in ONE for me.

♥ 

Once again, happy blessed birthday to you!

♥ 

Lord Father,

as the day of him is increasing,

please You to bless him and guide him for days to come,

lift him up when he falls,

give him strength upon strength each day,

comfort and encourage him when the sorrows come,

give him the wisdom and the knowledge in all things he does.

May he always grows in Your faith, hope, and love.

Have Your way in him Lord.

We pray in Jesus name.

Amen.

My joy over smallest things

Past few weeks was a busy week and still until today, but I have been in holiday mood. I can't wait to have some of my "parties" before I go back to my hometown this Saturday. I could say I am not busy with my job for sure, but more to the Boys' Brigade things. Lately after the treasure hunt on Saturday, now me and my loved ones and two our young ladies are busy with the decoration for the BB notice board at school. We are joining the competition on 19 January 2011, hahaha...I hope we could impress them.

I am happy with my ministry now. With some disappointment, bad times and of course good time, we all could see the improvement of our young men and ladies, whether it is at homeschool or even in Han Chiang High School. I hope we will be united and bonded as time passes by, as we are together in the journey. I am happy to know all of them. Good or bad, they enrich me and let me learn a lot of new things. I am happy that I am with my loved in the journey. He is my lover, my friend and my mentor, as well as my enemy, hahaha...The greatest moment I could have done is sharing with them. I bought them snacks or even small gifts. Some people said I may pampered them, but I don't think so. I am happy doing that and they are happy too. Even over those small offerings and sharing, the invisible one maybe, I had my joy.

Another greatest joy I could ever have is seeing my loved one talking to those young men and ladies. I didn't know what they talked about, but I am just happy. I have my joy by seeing those old man and young men talking. They called him, "Sir...Ah Sir a...This a....That a...!", hahaha...I am truly happy. Being with those kids, just requires a bit more time, a bit more energy, a bit more sacrifice and just a bit a bit more of our self would do. I am happy I could learn by doing this ministry now. Sometimes, I feel like, why I am doing this, especially when I have crisis time, sometimes I feel like, I should do more and care more. I hope I could be a friend to them too someday. I hope I could be a good mentor to them, a good sister. I could not be perfect one. Perhaps, I just need to do what I should do without worrying too much if I am the bad or good one for them, hahaha...Enjoy the ride and journey with all of them and I could see so many new challenges are coming up. Fuyoh...from my life, personal matter, work, ministry and all. Don't give up Leny and keep going by doing your best.

Finally I know what it meant, be happy and live happily and I would be just happy! Xoxo,