....Well, I am not sure what happened with the last post up settings, there was mistake in typing and I could not edit it, and that was why it seems hang somewhere in the last paragraph.
I talked a lot about my spiritual life and a bit of social life, my study and few things, and now, my relationship. I am no longer single and available. I am owned. I thank God for himself, as a my partner, my friend, my best friend, my family and even my enemy. We have so much ups and downs, happy and sad times, we are all together. I could say no one know me better than him. There are few people, but he is one of them. He knows the worst of myself too.
I try to cherish every moment with him, but sometimes, we just did not click and things does not go in my or his way and we had small argument. For me, little single thing matters a lot and I get moody because of these little things; when he was busy with his gadget, not really talking to me. I may not be understanding enough for him sometimes, especially if he is tired or enjoying his gadget and all. I want and tend to have his attention most onto me most of the time. So, sometimes, if we do not talk much, I may think this and that. He said I think and worry too much. Yes, I am!!! :)
Hmmm...This is our third year being together. I appreciated everything and every time we spent and would spend in future. For everything he did, my thanks would never be enough to thank him. I know, everyone know that he loves me so much. I know that too...Thanks Melvin Seah Yew Chin!*wink* wink* Me love you too!
Anyway, he is really the type who say I love you through actions, until one point that, I compared and complain to him that why you never be romantic enough? Hahahaha...He said I am demanding and hardly to fulfill and know exactly what I want. He feel restless sometimes because of me. I am truly sorry too. My way loving him may be different from the way he wanted me actually wanna be. I am not yet be the kind hearted lover, understanding, generous and not selfish lover, everyone wanna be one for sure. Me too! Hopefully that would really come to me one day! Not much I hope besides blessings from Him and people around us upon our relationship! May this and us be blessed and be blessings :)
Ps:
Do cherish each moment and time, try harder and put effort. Taking care and planting the relationship just like planting the tree; enough fertilizer, sun, water. Thanks for reminding me on this. I love you and thanks.
Wednesday 3 October 2012
Tuesday 2 October 2012
Argh...! I am back~
kuk
Dear blog,
I am back...!!! Truly sorry for being lazy (my hand especially, not my heart, hahaha...). Honestly, I miss blogging, but laziness gets its biggest portions these few months. I miss a lot of thing to write for sure. Alot of things, good and bad things have been happening. Some even worst. Good and memory huh...?
Mentally, I realize I have been played hard a lot and it makes me lazy, not in sport, or study, but in many things, working, even in my social life. I know few things go wrong and out of track recently, and it is hard though to get them each back to each track, really hard. It requires more and more of my time management, self-discipline, commitment and responsibility. Somehow, it makes me miss my self in school and college before. I wonder how I am so into time management, self-discipline, commitment and responsibility much more than now. I got lazy worms too those moments, but this is worse la....Sometimes, I always have excuse for my self, "Nah...It's okay! I would fight after this and that!"/ "It's okay, still few weeks and months to go, I can make it!"/ "I am tired, well...save it for tomorrow" and guess what, it goes on and on...!
I have been studying part time and this is my second semester. Honestly, I never opened my book and study for all this while since the second semester starts. I delayed them too often and into real lazy mood now. I studied and read only when I need to finish my assignment and it is quite rush. With things in mind to do just okay, I finish them okay-ly as well with fear too that I may not get a good mark. Well, I get my self get up for it sometimes, wanna fight for it and yes, do it well, but sometimes, well...it is only for degree sake that I do this. Every time, I am asking my Lord for a new fresh pour on me. I waste quite a lot of time on other stuffs than my study actually.
I am into my online shop too much recently, setting up the business online in FB not easy and wastes a lot of time honestly. Business is there but not really big money earned like others. It is kind of things I like to do, hobby and for side pocket money. I know why my man does not support me. I am trying to balance all up, but it seems that I fail quite often; about it and study, about it and my own sweet time and my social life. At the other side, since I am quite losing my interest in my current job and work just for living, not real passion, this online shop is the one fill my passion, hahahaha...Changing a job not a good options now as I need to support my self for my study, car loan and insurance, my current job has been great and good enough for me to have it all, even include my need for leisure and entertainment.
I tend to forgot how desperate I was at the first time when I needed a job. This job is a gift from Him. I know I have not been enough thankful and grateful most of time. I still complain and my man hates it so much. I understand, but sometimes, I really want to work for job I have passion with just like others or I dream before. Pros and cons for each job. Changing job does not mean good for me. It makes me realize that sometimes in live, you just need to work just for living. That's it. Just like me now, study part time for degree???
I do not wanna live a life that study only for the certificate and work just for living, but this is the stage I am in now and yes, let's fight for it huh!!! Would not it be a better and maybe the best option for me? Life is not as always wanted or expected. Things go wrong and what I need maybe just a different perspective.
Spiritually too, I have been quite far from close to Him, but I know and believe that He would never leave me. I still say a prayer when I wake up in the morning and before I sleep even in the middle of my activities throughout the day; when I feel bored, sad, prayer asking this and that, or even after I complained or bad-mouth things/ people/ person. I am just a real sinner. I have not up to the level as truly Christian, live liking Him in characters. Forgive me Lord, and please guide me through towards this, living in the way You want me to be, not now maybe, but one day, I believe.
I have not finish reading my bible. It has been in my resolution lists this year and year before. I am super sad for that. Why why why? :( Really sad...! I should have find a solutions in the beginning of the year, even we have bible class, it is kind like on and off, sometimes, I feel good after so many activities and finally, the class was canceled and I don't really understand too...but at the other hand, it is like...well, how I help my self grow spiritually. Praying is one of it, but without initiative and willingness to keep ourselves close to Him, I know everything is non-sense and would do nothing to me too.
After all, I know how good He is to me, as always. Another biggest event happening was my new born nephew who was diagnosed with some heart problem when he was born. It was so devastated. I felt like He was punishing me and my sister. My nephew is the first child born in my own family and it happened like he is worth nothing to God and my sister. Come to worst, I was so scared that he would be taken by Him and just gone, but thank God for His faithfulness to me, not my faithfulness to Him, He is too good to me. He reminds me how much He loves me once again. With all prayer support from my love, my church's families, my families, he recovered 100% from the illness and according to the doctor, it was miracle that he was fully recovered.
Nothing could limit His love, it is US that limit Him to do awesome things in life. Once again, He reminds me that I need to trust Him more and more, to lay down my life, my needs, my worry and all my self before Him. Forgive me oh Lord that sometimes, at the moment I am writing this, I do doubt about you still, when good things did not happen, when bad things happen, I question about Your existence and Your love. Do please fix me Lord, to set You be my center and focus. Let me learn to be more and more faithful in You regardless any circumstances.
Hmmm...This song has been played recently in my favorite online radio and I am always confirmed with His love that one thing would remind forever is that His love would never give me up. (One Thing Remains by Kristian Stanfill)
I heart this too :)
That was my spiritual life recently. Anyway, it has been shortened. I just wanna keep praying that God would draw me close and closer to Him and never never never never never ever let me go, amen! :)
14.09.2012 -11.42pm
I would be on leave tomorrow for medical check up and my study, that is why I am still awake at this moment and continue this post because I feel lie and need to write.
*like (I don't know why I could not type on the lie error above)
Hmm...Generally with my families, relatives, friends or my colleagues, well...I think I do okay and at some point, I did complain, I did gossip, still I did still mistakes :) I could not please anyone with my attitude and behaviour, no one could but at least some people would do it better than me. One thing I am sure, I miss my families, my sister and my long lost contact best friend, as well as my college and school time extremely. I hope I could stop the time and go back for awhile. I do enjoy my outings with my friends and colleagues.Honestly, in 2012, I did only have two outings with my colleagues and two with my college's best friends. I enjoyed and had a great time, happy sweet time and sometimes,I wish the day would never end so we could have talk an share more. I appreciated the time and their selves. I realize I rarely have girls date with my church members, excluded those weekend outings. I am considered to be one of the most unsociable persons ever, hahaha...Sad, but that is the truth. I did not click well with everyone, but this year, I guess one outing is another happy and blessed moment was the dinner at David Browns Tea Terrace and Restaurant at Penang Hill. It was actually a gathering of my love, Eric, See Hoon, Pei Pei and Jia Wei, I just hopped in and I enjoyed it so much~
My life is just hard sometimes. Myself is my own biggest enemy. I need to breakthrough a lot of things, I know my bad and what to change, but it is so hard.People said things take time, but mine was like taking forever. Thinking about it sometimes makes me so sad and depressed, hahaha....Not depressed, but just sad and like blaming my self with why why why. I need still to learn and improve my skill, but I realize that myself seem to get worse and worse, I did not feel myself was this bad before...I really don't know what is the problems and reasons, that is the saddest part. :)
I am back...!!! Truly sorry for being lazy (my hand especially, not my heart, hahaha...). Honestly, I miss blogging, but laziness gets its biggest portions these few months. I miss a lot of thing to write for sure. Alot of things, good and bad things have been happening. Some even worst. Good and memory huh...?
Mentally, I realize I have been played hard a lot and it makes me lazy, not in sport, or study, but in many things, working, even in my social life. I know few things go wrong and out of track recently, and it is hard though to get them each back to each track, really hard. It requires more and more of my time management, self-discipline, commitment and responsibility. Somehow, it makes me miss my self in school and college before. I wonder how I am so into time management, self-discipline, commitment and responsibility much more than now. I got lazy worms too those moments, but this is worse la....Sometimes, I always have excuse for my self, "Nah...It's okay! I would fight after this and that!"/ "It's okay, still few weeks and months to go, I can make it!"/ "I am tired, well...save it for tomorrow" and guess what, it goes on and on...!
I have been studying part time and this is my second semester. Honestly, I never opened my book and study for all this while since the second semester starts. I delayed them too often and into real lazy mood now. I studied and read only when I need to finish my assignment and it is quite rush. With things in mind to do just okay, I finish them okay-ly as well with fear too that I may not get a good mark. Well, I get my self get up for it sometimes, wanna fight for it and yes, do it well, but sometimes, well...it is only for degree sake that I do this. Every time, I am asking my Lord for a new fresh pour on me. I waste quite a lot of time on other stuffs than my study actually.
I am into my online shop too much recently, setting up the business online in FB not easy and wastes a lot of time honestly. Business is there but not really big money earned like others. It is kind of things I like to do, hobby and for side pocket money. I know why my man does not support me. I am trying to balance all up, but it seems that I fail quite often; about it and study, about it and my own sweet time and my social life. At the other side, since I am quite losing my interest in my current job and work just for living, not real passion, this online shop is the one fill my passion, hahahaha...Changing a job not a good options now as I need to support my self for my study, car loan and insurance, my current job has been great and good enough for me to have it all, even include my need for leisure and entertainment.
I tend to forgot how desperate I was at the first time when I needed a job. This job is a gift from Him. I know I have not been enough thankful and grateful most of time. I still complain and my man hates it so much. I understand, but sometimes, I really want to work for job I have passion with just like others or I dream before. Pros and cons for each job. Changing job does not mean good for me. It makes me realize that sometimes in live, you just need to work just for living. That's it. Just like me now, study part time for degree???
I do not wanna live a life that study only for the certificate and work just for living, but this is the stage I am in now and yes, let's fight for it huh!!! Would not it be a better and maybe the best option for me? Life is not as always wanted or expected. Things go wrong and what I need maybe just a different perspective.
Spiritually too, I have been quite far from close to Him, but I know and believe that He would never leave me. I still say a prayer when I wake up in the morning and before I sleep even in the middle of my activities throughout the day; when I feel bored, sad, prayer asking this and that, or even after I complained or bad-mouth things/ people/ person. I am just a real sinner. I have not up to the level as truly Christian, live liking Him in characters. Forgive me Lord, and please guide me through towards this, living in the way You want me to be, not now maybe, but one day, I believe.
I have not finish reading my bible. It has been in my resolution lists this year and year before. I am super sad for that. Why why why? :( Really sad...! I should have find a solutions in the beginning of the year, even we have bible class, it is kind like on and off, sometimes, I feel good after so many activities and finally, the class was canceled and I don't really understand too...but at the other hand, it is like...well, how I help my self grow spiritually. Praying is one of it, but without initiative and willingness to keep ourselves close to Him, I know everything is non-sense and would do nothing to me too.
After all, I know how good He is to me, as always. Another biggest event happening was my new born nephew who was diagnosed with some heart problem when he was born. It was so devastated. I felt like He was punishing me and my sister. My nephew is the first child born in my own family and it happened like he is worth nothing to God and my sister. Come to worst, I was so scared that he would be taken by Him and just gone, but thank God for His faithfulness to me, not my faithfulness to Him, He is too good to me. He reminds me how much He loves me once again. With all prayer support from my love, my church's families, my families, he recovered 100% from the illness and according to the doctor, it was miracle that he was fully recovered.
Nothing could limit His love, it is US that limit Him to do awesome things in life. Once again, He reminds me that I need to trust Him more and more, to lay down my life, my needs, my worry and all my self before Him. Forgive me oh Lord that sometimes, at the moment I am writing this, I do doubt about you still, when good things did not happen, when bad things happen, I question about Your existence and Your love. Do please fix me Lord, to set You be my center and focus. Let me learn to be more and more faithful in You regardless any circumstances.
Hmmm...This song has been played recently in my favorite online radio and I am always confirmed with His love that one thing would remind forever is that His love would never give me up. (One Thing Remains by Kristian Stanfill)
I heart this too :)
That was my spiritual life recently. Anyway, it has been shortened. I just wanna keep praying that God would draw me close and closer to Him and never never never never never ever let me go, amen! :)
14.09.2012 -11.42pm
I would be on leave tomorrow for medical check up and my study, that is why I am still awake at this moment and continue this post because I feel lie and need to write.
*like (I don't know why I could not type on the lie error above)
Hmm...Generally with my families, relatives, friends or my colleagues, well...I think I do okay and at some point, I did complain, I did gossip, still I did still mistakes :) I could not please anyone with my attitude and behaviour, no one could but at least some people would do it better than me. One thing I am sure, I miss my families, my sister and my long lost contact best friend, as well as my college and school time extremely. I hope I could stop the time and go back for awhile. I do enjoy my outings with my friends and colleagues.Honestly, in 2012, I did only have two outings with my colleagues and two with my college's best friends. I enjoyed and had a great time, happy sweet time and sometimes,I wish the day would never end so we could have talk an share more. I appreciated the time and their selves. I realize I rarely have girls date with my church members, excluded those weekend outings. I am considered to be one of the most unsociable persons ever, hahaha...Sad, but that is the truth. I did not click well with everyone, but this year, I guess one outing is another happy and blessed moment was the dinner at David Browns Tea Terrace and Restaurant at Penang Hill. It was actually a gathering of my love, Eric, See Hoon, Pei Pei and Jia Wei, I just hopped in and I enjoyed it so much~
My life is just hard sometimes. Myself is my own biggest enemy. I need to breakthrough a lot of things, I know my bad and what to change, but it is so hard.People said things take time, but mine was like taking forever. Thinking about it sometimes makes me so sad and depressed, hahaha....Not depressed, but just sad and like blaming my self with why why why. I need still to learn and improve my skill, but I realize that myself seem to get worse and worse, I did not feel myself was this bad before...I really don't know what is the problems and reasons, that is the saddest part. :)
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