Just for fun: Top 10 Wedding Gown Trends

I have viewed this video and I am so excited for my future big day! It was about the top 10 wedding gowns trends. Hm...I was actually looking for make up tutorial video, but I just find it so interesting; just through the title and thought to send it to my sister who will get marry this November. She did not get back to me. I assume she gets something or nothing, but guess what, myself got something!*wink wink

Well, enjoy ladies!!! :)

Top 10 Wedding Gown Trends

I heart these wedges so much!

I have been in love with wedges recently. Right after I bought my first wedges sometimes ago, especially when I found this I WEAR UP...I can not stop my self to fall in love with it! I want them so much! :(

I am in huge doubt whether to buy it or not. The biggest doubt is just about the height! I bet whoever sees it would be much in love! It is just so tempting! I guess I would get one of them soon! Now, I am waiting for the perfect time~

Me and my colleagues

Hm...I have been so passionate in sharing about this last week, but I only have time to write it out today. As usual, the same issue, but now is between me and my colleagues; my team lunch and friends. The feeling was just getting stronger and stronger that I feel uncomfortable. It maybe happen because I think too much or being sensitive. I just hope that uncomfortable will go far away. I simply wish I could get along with them. Not having good relationship with everyone in the office, but at least, I am doing okay with all of them.

I am happened to be in certain group at the office when I first came to work and I have been in the group for a year. They are my lunch mate, dinner mate sometimes and even, friends. Simply, we do not end at the office. Some members quit and new comers will come and stay. Is this the causes? I am not sure.

Now, I prefer to listen more rather than talk. I will talk only on the appropriate time; when it is necessary or I have things to say. I become quite at the point. Yup, I can not deny, I have been so serious in person, yes I am!!! I can bring all my personal thoughts to my work place. It just make my face even more serious and burdened. It makes me quite because I keep thinking and thinking. My mood sometimes swings, but being quite is the most noticeable symptoms.

I guess the old member departure and new members departure change the group atmosphere. I can not deny, I have been so talkative before compared to now. Maybe different people have different topic of mind. It is common to happen, but this arouse my uncomfortable to be in the group. 

One of the new comer is a mother. She is a wife, a mother of a son and a former lecturer. She talks so much and sometimes,I feel like she is showing off her knowledge and experience; scared of lose. Haih, am I just being so sensitive actually? :( Anyway, my dislike just appears once in a long time.

Another one is a lady. She has same aged with me and graduated from UK. She must be somehow comes from quite rich/ rich family. Well, she likes to talk about UK during lunch and has been strongly influenced by the Western culture. She does not eat Chinese foods much and she hates her mother and her families. Am I just being so sensitive again? Why am I so? :( I am sad for being so, but I prefer to keep quite most of the time. I am not knowledgeable like everyone of them. We are six in a group; two of them were graduated form UK, two of them were former lecturer and one of them graduated from IT School (something like that). I hope my uncomfortable will go far away. I do not plan to leave the group. I will just do what my heart tell me to do; to join lunch or not, to join the outing or not. Recently, I have lunch with my church friends. The reason is just because I do not feel like to eat with them. Am I escaping my self from the uncomfortable?  I am not sure if it is called an escape or do the right things (If you do not feel comfortable, don't do that! or is it like do the right things?)...Ohhh..I do not know! It is maybe my self is being too sensitive. 

Oh ya, one thing, they like to complaint about life and job. I know I am other than those people as well; who gossip, who complaint about this and that, but they are too much sometimes and I can not accept. Sometimes, I feel like to fight back, but I prefer not to talk too much. Being quite is a golden sometimes! Some of them complaint about how bad the job is, yes, me too, sometimes, but they should quit and find new job if they feel so. They are over complaint about it sometimes. Some them dislike marriage, dislike having a kid, dislike their mother and family. I do not into my family as well, I have them sometimes too, but I do not understand them most of the time. 

Honestly, I am not a kind of friendly and easy going person, but I am not that bad. I talk much when I get to know people, but I change once I feel uncomfortable. I just wish I could get along with okay rating with my colleagues. At the same time, I will do, say and behave in a way that make me comfortable. Being quite, being a good listener and talking when it s necessary may be good solution. At the same time, let me try best to get my comfortable back in the team, let me evaluate my self...Hope it will not last long :)

I will do what my heart tell, if yes, then yes, if no the no. I just do not want to be in a group of unrighteousness people and get affected to it! I am not referring to my colleagues, but in my social life generally! Be firm and still! :)

 

Life goes on!

"Whether it's a heart attack or heartbreak, just like Broadway, the show must go on."

- Rachel Berry, GLEE Season 2

 

 

 

Nicely said!!! Life is just like Broadway, it goes on no matter what and how it is. Some would say  Broadway is a show. Some may refer to New York City when they hear about Broadway. I have no idea actually. The sentence just sounds right in my ear and I agree! Whether your life is a heartbreak or heart attack, whether is all the up, down, up and down, whether there is only grey, black and white, life goes on. It does not stop. It is sad if some one could not or does not try to play a role in the show. Me and you may not that best actor and actress, but at least, we could try to fill our roles in the show; try to do the best and live life to the fullest. We can not stop. If yes, we have to stop, rest our mind and heart, but let's move on with our leg!

Hmm...It is easy to say! Me too, now is learning to live a life to the fullest. A life which is full with positive energy. I do not know what and the the best is, but I believe, I could get the strength  to  live my life to the maximum; through people that I love, through people that love me, my families, my friends, my families in Christ, my job and all aspects of my life. Importantly, keeping my life in prayer and surrender it to my Heavenly Father is the most reliable source ever! Believe and put faith in Him! :)

I feel like to stop for a moment in life and rest when:

1. I feel tired physically; I wish to stop to sleep and have my own time, but I could not resist with the guilty in my heart. I can not even sleep for few hours more if I have things to do in the next morning. If I really wake up late, I am just being to sleepy.

2. I feel I do not grow spiritually; I could not stop, I have to keep my spirit up to build that spiritual relationship with Him.

3. I feel like to quit my job and do something that I love to do; It is not easy for me to find a job here, quit is not the solution, I will learn to love my job and believe, it would be beautiful somehow.

4. I fight with my loved one. 

5. I make my sister angry; when I could not help her and be a good listener. I would try best to be better but always fail due to my emotional.

Many more, but I learn now to move and go on in life with my leg when my mind and heart are tired. Cheers everyone~

Him: "Learn to be thankful and grateful in your life. Learn to surrender all things in life to Him and not to worry about earthly things!"

My Pick of the Day

"Sometimes, we just gotta let go. Of people, of feelings, of things. No matter how big this world is, we can never befriend a million people. We can't have it all. What we can have, is what we deserve."

- Diana Rikasari - 

It is true. We can not live life to please and befriend with everyone. Even you try to best, sometimes, you seem like never done enough for them. To be continue....

Teamwork makes dream work

I have been quite free this month and happy I could just update and write what I wanna write. Updating, writing blog and browsing blogs are nicer things to do =D

Anyway, me and some friends at church attended leadership training camp, but for me, it was likely to be sleepover and fellowship with our church Pastor and friends :) It was simple but yet, good knowledge for everyone to know about teamwork and leadership...

Thanks to Pastor Jonathan and Mr. Chong Yi Liang for its arrangement :)

 I like the word of TEAM stands for (I was told), Together Everyone Achieve More! It should be quoted from some one, but I did not write it down and could not remember it! Hehehehe...

Well, Pastor Jonathan presented the presentation in slides show and showed us a video advertisement of Coca Cola at the beginning. For me, it was an interesting advertisement. Sorry, I could not show you the link because I can not access to Youtube at my work place ;) It showed us teamwork of butterflies, grasshoppers and other insects in a park. They stole a Coca Cola drink from some one who was sleeping during him picnic time and finally, open the happiness from the Coca Cola and shared it out. I am sure you roughly would know how it was and basically the main point was to show us how teamwork can do dream work!!! :)

I still remember with some quotations about teamwork. Michael Jordan said that talent wins the games but teamwork wins championship. Henry Ford presented his thought in a way that coming together is a beginning, keeping together is progress and working together is success. While, other man stated that teamwork is a fuel for common people for uncommon result. All of it were well said and all are true when we think deeply about it. There are many more quotes about teamwork out there. Google them and let it be the motivation and inspiration for each everyone of us! :)

(I don't really motivated to write this piece actually, I have no interest, but I am forcing my self, hehehe...)

We were asked with some questions about our strengths and things related to our youth teamwork; the top three priority and so on. I was quite excited for this session. I was hoping after everybody answered the question and discussed about the issue, others would point out our good and bad. Personally, I would love this session, it maybe hurts but at least there is a honesty and sincerity. You and me get to know what people think about us, how we are and what kind of leadership that we are!!! Again, it may hurts but it help us to improve! We did not have this kind of session in fact, someone suggested it to Pastor but I guessed Pastor forgot about it, hehehe...

I am not a type who is good at teamwork. I am so bad in it. If can, I would prefer to be on my own with my responsibility, but nothing is this world that would allow us to leave and do things alone. If yes, we will never do any dream works and would never achieve the uncommon result. Until now, I am still learning to be good leader and to be good team player.

Few years back, I was an active leader in some organizations at my school. Me and my small team did many great job before. We organized events, some charity activities and I thought I was a good leader and would be great leader in the future, hahaha... I was wrong. I am not a good a team player in fact. I am quite bossy. Too particular and details, long winded, I am just like an old auntie. For me, to be a follower is not good, I get my self used to be a leader. When I have to, I wish I was the leader, haha...but like I say, I am learning still. It is now better, I do not involved in many organizations anymore, only in church ministry and service, the Boys' Brigade and my office's committe. I miss my old times before when I was a leader. The last time I was leader was back in October 2009 in my college. I was the chairman for our School of Communication final projects. I still remember that there had been too many emotions; hurts, tears, laugh, stress, tension, but I gained and learned a lot. I had fun and maximum satisfaction at the end. Even not all members were actively involved in the process, but some of us were just perfect for that great achievement.

Pastor shared with us how effective team could be. It is nothing more than working together in the same path for same direction. It is far beyond working together, but it is about how the team and each individual grows. Everything begins to grow after the team finishes every discussion and duty. It is so called relationship. Teamwork  is beginning to take place when the individual start to learn and understand the importance of putting individual right below the team. Teamwork is about identifying members strengths and weaknesses, then learn each of them and how to make it all works together. Yes, that is it! Learning to work and grow together in the same path to go to the same direction.

Being a good team player is ain't easy. Everyone is different in quality and quantity. We can not expect everyone to be and to do the same. This is the fact that I am learning too; accepting people for who they are. You know what, I always expecting people to do their best, be responsible and committed to their task/ duty, but not everyone can be the same/ the one I expect them to be. No wonder I always get bit tired when I am in team, it is because my expectation is high above.

For me, team is about working together with people that you want to work with. At least, you know them and they know you; how comfortable yourself when you deal and work with them, how all of us get along. That would be my mind consideration. If not, you just have to learn and adapt yourself in it and it takes times. The try could turn out good or bad. Good or hardworking members did not guarantee the success of the teamwork, or irresponsible and uncommitted members would fail the mission. Nope! Mistake, error and conflict can be happen anytime and anywhere. Sometimes bad things and error happen to mark the good start. No one knows!!!

When I come to about the youth team in my church. I would say it is not easy to be in. With different quantity, quality, personality, characters and background of individuals, I need to learn to get my self comfortable with everyone of them. Despite their bad and good, I need to learn to accept who they are. I realize it is hard for me sometimes because there is no good relationship established between me and them. I dislike some of them even, hahaha...Am I bad? I am still thankful that I realize my bad and still hope to change it, but still, I am bad, hahaha...How come I dislike my brothers or sisters? My boyfriend was also surprised. I did not hate them, just dislike the way they act, the way they respond to things and so on. I just dislike.

I wish I could have wisdom to deal with every one of them. Establishing relationship is the most important thing and I should focus on it and surrender all to Him so that He would help me. Oh ya, we concluded three things to be prioritized in our youth ministry. First is relationship, commitment and  sincerity if not mistaken, hehehe...So, everyone, let's set our focus correct and I believe, times will make everything falls at its place! 

This is bad writing. A mess of mind and thoughts. I have no mood to write about this but I have to write to share it out. I started it few days ago. I just did what a saying said, finish what you have started! ;)

I heart this song!

Everything Works Together

Byron “Mr. Talkbox” Chambers

from the album Everything Works Together (feat. Beckah Shae) - Single

Verse 1:
Life is full of ups and downs
My head is spinning round and round
My world turned up side down
Until I found you ooh yeah

Pre chorus:
Then I fell in love with you
I came to know that you loved me too
And all this pain had a purpose

Chorus:
Everything works together for the good
To them that Love the Lord

Beckah: LA LA LA LA LA LA

Trials in my life I misunderstood
Until I learned to Love the Lord

Beckah: LA LA LA LA LA LA

Beckah: Verse 2:
Now that you're apart of me
I'm not who I used to be
Trials mean much more to me
Because I found you Oooh Yeah!

Beckah: Pre chorus:
When I fell in love with you
And came to know that you loved me too
And all the pain had a purpose

Byron & Beckah lead stuff:Chorus 2x:
Everything works together for the good
To them that Love the Lord
LA LA LA LA LA LA
The trials in my life I misunderstood
Until I learned to Love the Lord
LA LA LA LA LA LA

Bridge:

Byron: You gave me victory
Even when I could not see
You reminded me that you're faithful

Beckah: My Love for you is real
It helps me to be still
And wait on you PATIENTLY!!

Breakdown Byron & Beckah:
Everything it works together
Everything it works together

I am just over negative!

Honestly, I realize that my self have been over negative on few things. I am not sure if it is 'few issue' or an issue. The issue has been arousing the conflict me and my loved one, always...I am trying to get my self away from it, but every moment of my thought always drives me to that negative direction! I am tired of it, but I believe my loved would be more even tired, I feel so sorry for him...

I am over jealousy people! My close friends also said so. I am so sad but I can not deny that is me! I am just thinking to much actually and have been taking things seriously...I hate and jealousy if there is anything related to my loved one with ladies, especially his EX girl friends and ladies good friends. It is common, but for me, case is going far further than common. I don't even like to hear their names mentioned, I feel it is a kind of threat for us (even  one is getting marry, one is China and I don't worry about her, one is very much in love with her loved one now), I hate to hear about them but I always like to know about them. By the time, I will come with tons of worry about comparison; who is more prettier, who is nicer, bla bla bla...Am I grazy? I am so sad for my self and my loved one, really :(

Things don't end here. Yesterday, I knew that one of his friends tagged my loved one in her baptism pic, I should be happy for her as in family of Christ, but I am not. I was uncomfortable. I don't angry, just dislike, I think there is the different right? I don't even understand, but again, I would prefer my loved one to always share about him and others, but it is quite impossible. According to one of my church's elders, man is not a sharing  type, I guess so, I talk and share more usually. Now, the only thing I could do is turn my self to God and everything will fall in its place...Please help me Father!!!!

...and one wish to my loved one, keep loving me, don't stop loving me, I know I have made most of your time to be so tiring and stressful days. It is because I am scared losing you =D

12.05.2011

This morning was raining so heavily, what a good day to be lazy and roll here and there up on the bed! HAHAHA...I just feel to have my own time at home; be lazy, have some movies, sleep, reading, cooking and doing craft...;) but all these seems to be dreams and I hope it comes true someday, yay!!! hehehe..


I read some daily breads sent by Mr. Loo today. Just to let you know, I do not read it everyday. I haven't been so religious and spiritual, but I try now to implant a habit to 'eat God's word' every moment in my life; whenever I am.


I ate three breads in total. Nothing much new, all breads are commonly heard, but I want to remind myself about it; about God' graces and love in human life, acceptance of others and how God's wants us to be along side with others to build a good and strong Kingdom of Him.


In life, it's common that we life our life out in the way to get acceptance for others. We, included my self, tend to think, to live, to act and to behave in the way to get approval from others. Myself alone try hard to get approval from people around me, I try to act and behave to my best so that they could accept me. I go too far sometimes and exhausted by the time. I even try to do my best for somethings to get approval from my families, my friends, in the job and other, but I got none. People do not see you most of the time.


I still remembered clearly that my boyfriend told me to live my own life. We can not live a life that please everyone. No one would appreciate that even you try hard to the best and the maximum of yours. Yes, that is true! I feel so, that is the fact, but we are human that always seek for significant acceptance..Everyone does! We think too much and try too hard how to be accepted. It makes us forget the truth about God's perspective here. We totally forget about Him.


We should not mind on how important earthly people think about us; what we do, how we talk, how we behave and act...Keep in mind that, what matters God is matters us the most without any exception. I always forget this. I try too hard until I get fed up and feel, I have never done enough. At the end, I get upset and disappointment. I bet some of you do.



It is hard for us sometimes to have God' perspective in every aspects of our life. No worry, me and you are learning. It is a long term learning, I believe so, hehe...Even so, I am so jealous with anyone who is just good in spiritual, socialization and others things. When will I become like this? ;)


I hope I could learn to have God's perspective in life, become mind and care most for what matters most for Him, not human like us, you and me! Try to seek acceptance from Him, not earthly people...It ain't easy and it is not hard too,  I am in the process! :) I know nothing is impossible, I feel Him in my life, especially the time when I was struggling between continue studying or working, to stay in Penang or anywhere else, He is there for me; through people around me. He takes my things away, then He replaces and provides what I need more than enough, all by Himself...


I am know the journey with Him won't be easy...I am sure there will be up and down, the time when I won't feel Him, the time where He will seem so far, I pray His love and mercies will always hold my heart, may it always be the source of strength for my heart! From the bottom of my heart, I wanna learn to be someone better, I could not be one without Your grace over me. Please Father, please Your way in me...I do pray, You could strengthen me inside out, You could help my self to learn to have Your perspective, accepting and see others in Your way, be along side with them for Your work on the earth; to serve and help the needy people, to extend Your Kingdom! Thank you Lord...

Song of the Day! Starry Night

Chris August

from the album No Far Away

Play sample

From the birds that sing
In the tallest trees
To the human life
Of you and me.
From the desert sands
To the place we stand.
He is God of all
He is everything.

(Chorus)
I'm giving my life to the only one
Who makes the moon reflect the sun.
Every Starry Night,
That was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only son,
Who was and is and yet to come
Let the praises ring, 'cause he is everything
'Cause he is everything

From the autumn leaves,
That will ride the breeze
To the Faith it takes,
To pray and sing
From the Painted sky,
To my plank filled eye
He is God of all, He is everything

I'm giving my life to the only one
Who makes the moon reflect the sun.
Every Starry Night,
That was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only son,
Who was and is and yet to come
Let the praises ring, 'cause he is everything
'Cause he is everything

Ohhhhhhh (everything)

Hallelujah (Hallelujah)
Hallelujah
I believe
Ohhh
Hallelujah (Hallelujah)
Hallelujah
I believe

I'm giving my life to the only one
Who makes the Moon reflect the sun
On that Starry Night,
He changed my life.
I'm giving it all to the only son
Who gave me hope when I had none.
So let the praises ring,
Ohhhh Let the Praises Ring

I'm giving my life to the only one
Who makes the Moon reflect the sun.
Every Starry Night,
That was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only son,
Who was and is and yet to come
Let the Angels sing,
That He is Heavenly

So let the Praises ring
'Cause he everything

Make It a Habit!

Yes, people, let's make a habit to use these as our wording! It is so simple, but most of us tend to ignore it! One simple word with few alphabets in it bring joy and please everyone indirectly! It is a manner. Here we go!

"Thank you!"

"I am so sorry!"

"Excuse me!"

Let's make it habit NOW! I know some people just could not say the word, but I can do it, why not you? :)

Make Up Tutorials

I have been browsing and viewing some make up tutorials online today and guess what, I decided to learn it.Practice makes perfect! I am trying to see the make up tutorial from Michelle Phan, one of the famous make up guru in Youtube, as well as the spokesman for Lancome. I will find a chance to access you tube and watch her tutorials. :) It is too bad I could not access Youtube at my office. It would be great if we could, hahahaha...So, I am searching for other video and yes, I found this http://www.5min.com/.

Check that website out and enjoy exploring the web! :) It is not only about make up, but also other stuff that may be your interests, cooking, arts, auto, hobbies and many more.

Well, back to my decision, learning make up so that I could do it my self next time, need not to pay someone to do it for me, I am taking it seriously, I need to play it all around, but now honestly, I could not afford to have any new equipments now, I am just fall this year to the list-to-pay and the list-to-do, SAVING FOR SOME REASONS is number ONE! Hahaha...but, do not worry, His graces will always be more than enough and Lord, please take my worry and greedy far far away and let me be happy with what I have and what You have given to me!

So, for the make up thingy, let me try with my stuffs and get back here if I am success or fail! =D

Blessings

Laura Story

from the album Blessings

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

(Chorus)
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Chorus

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Chorus

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Have a great day everyone! Cheers~ God is always with us! :)

.

The greatest pleasure is to be hugged at the end of the day. 

-Diana Rikasari-

Stronger

Mandisa

from the album What If We Were Real

Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

(Chorus)
When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me, this is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you ...

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

Chorus

'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

Chorus

This is The Stuff

Francesca Battistelli 

from the album Hundred More Years

I lost my keys
In the great unknown
And call me please
'Cause I can't find my phone

This is the stuff that drives me crazy.
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately.
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed

This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I've got to trust You know exactly what You're doing
Might not be what I might choose
But this is the stuff you use

45 in a 35
Sirens and fines
While I'm running behind

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed

This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
Might not be what I might choose but this is the stuff You use

So break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world

This is the stuff that drives me crazy.
This is the stuff
Someone save me
In the middle of little my mess
I forget how big I'm blessed

This is the stuff that gets under my skin
And I've gotta trust you know exactly what You're doing
Might not be what I would choose but this is the stuff You use

This is the stuff You use

I love my sister!

Nobody would knows how my relationship is with my sister, my older sister. We live together for only 16 years and we are apart until now. Now, I am 22 years old and she is 25 years old. I am now in Penang and she is in Medan. She was in Taiwan before for four years and then I moved to Penang, Malaysia when she went back. The distant and bridge between us two is quite big. We are not close to each other just like how sisters should be. We are lack of communication. 22 years for me is not enough and 25 years for her make no difference or improvement for our sisterhood. I feel sometimes that I am closer to person who does not have any blood connection with me, even so, I still feel there is a different between sister and sister from outside world.


My sister is getting marry soon. I do feel happy for her and upset at the same time. I do feel sorry for her that I could be there in person to help her for her special day ever. We do not have mum and dad to share the happiness with. Mum matters most. Wedding is the biggest and the most special day ever for woman, especially for a mother. A mother should be happy for her daughter's wedding. I could not imagine how perfect the happiness of my sister and me if Mum was still here. Prior to the wedding, all of us should be busy; preparing the guest list, the food and to do list, going for the bridal house and try out many gowns for the day to come, taking picture, wedding shopping and so many things would be fun for every mother and family.


I do feel like go back and help her, but I could not. I am working and I could take leaves all the time. This year is too packed for me. I wish to be there and help her just like a sister and mother for her. Even we do not talk much, but I believe she loves me just like how I love him. She is surely miss sisterhoods and family to be with her and share her burden, responsibilities and her happiness. 

Sister, I know and realize that both of us are still grieving over our loss. We did not deal with it actually. The impact of the tragedy are far more greater than I have ever known. It impacted me and my sister a lot. Both of us do not talk much, we are not easy going, we feel that we are different, we introvert type of ladies. I feel the impact after seven years. It is too late actually. I wish I could help her to let things go, but I am helpless too, I could not, even my self have not dealt with it yet. How can I help my sister? 


I know my sister very well. She is worse than me for some perspective, but she is a good girl, better than me. She never speaks out her thoughts and voice. She could not express her self well. She does not care too much abut her life, especially how others think about her. She never fight for her rights. I am not sure if she does not want or she could not. I am really getting angry when I talk to her because of her uncaring personality. By the way, I have never been a good listener also. She is too simple in thoughts. I do not understand my sister and that makes me really sad. She is my sister, but I guess we do not do much what sisterhood supposed to do; sharing, shopping and spending time together. We rarely do that, almost never.


I do not know how my sister feeling about the wedding. She must be happy, but I believe there must be hidden sadness deep inside. Personally, I would feel sad and happy at the same time. I will miss my family so much, especially my mum. I am sure my sis feel the same too. I wish I could share her sadness, but she never shares it to me. Her answer was yes, no, I don't know or not sure yet. I do not blame her, maybe I can be a good listener, that is why. What a bad sister I am! :(


I heard my auntie said that some of my family members asked my sister why she did not have her wedding at my uncle restaurant and guess what, my sister only kept quite. Yes, it maybe right to keep quite, but would it be wrong if my sister said the wedding was planned by the guy's side. Well, my sister did a mistake too. Both of them decided too fast without discussion with family members, but they should not blame my sister all the time and one thing, they never try to understand me and my sister feeling or personality.


I am upset why all of them seems not to be supportive towards my sister. She is getting marry soon and none of them seem to be happy. My sister also tries to build a relationship between my uncle and her loved one, but their respond towards my sister is upset me. They should not act like that. We both have try best sometimes, but we will never could be good enough for them. I know my sister must be sad at some points, but she can do nothing. She also never told me. 


I don't care too much about how to polish my relationship with my families, especially with those from my father's side. They never support me and my sister. For them, we are little girls that will never grow up. It maybe about the responsibility to take of us, but times changes, we grow up and we are going to have our own life. They should let and give us the trust. I do not deny that communication would be our main problem, I think everyone of us has to learn in this life. We maybe too young to understand so many things, but me and my sister are learning and try best to be the good one. You guys too have to learn. :)


No matter what I really wish I could be there for her, to prepare all things for her for her big big day. I love you sis, after all, I hope you could be far more than happy after the marriage, you could do your things in your own ways, has a simple and happy family...I hope both of us could be happy and have loved ones as our true love. Wishing you to live happily ever after sister, I love you~

Happy Mother's Day!

May 8, 2011 is a special day which was set aside to appreciate women, especially those who are mothers for their unconditional love and things they do for her love one, children and family. They are a warrior princess in human history. Without them and their love ones, you and me won't be here. I don't know how mother is you are having, but I have a had great mum. She was not with us anymore, but I still remember her; the foods she cooked, the cake she baked for me and family, the things she liked to do; the movie and songs she liked. She is a very simple lady. She dressed simple and neatly, she did not put on any make up, only face powder and lipstick for the most, I guess me and my sister are inheritance this simplicity from her. I can say me and my sister maybe outdated, but that is us. :)


She likes to listen to old Chinese love songs, like the one by Teresa Teng and others, I don't really know what their names are, hehehe...She sang sometimes when she did her housework. It was still clear in my mind that her housework was never end; from morning till night. She was busy in the kitchen. She sewed sometimes, but none of me and sister like to sew, hehe...I miss her so much; especially her cooking and the time when we are together.


We are not a rich family, but we have more than enough. We live happily. My father did not owned a big profitable business, he only owned a motorcycle at the end (he owned a car before but due to some issue, he sold it), he was also a very simple man, yet humble and interesting man. He loved me so much more than my sister and brother. I don't know why. He was proud of me (that was what I heard from my eldest uncle). Be honest, me and my sister did not have much trouble at school. Our teachers rarely asked my parents to come and talk about us, but my little brother did, hehehe...I miss him too. I didn't have much time with him, with all of them especially. When I grown up and started to understand things, I left my hometown for better education. My aim that time was to have a good job and made them happy and proud of me, but too bad, I had no chance and not time for my dream anymore. I lost them in Tsunami disaster in 2004. It has been 7 years now and I still miss all of you so so much.


 My father and my mum are very much in love couple, even they did quarrel sometimes about us, financial and other things that I may not know. One thing, I love you all and am so thankful to be a part of the family. I wanna be a part of your family again in my next life. May God gives me time to spend with them until they are old.


I miss to talk to my mum. I regret that I grown up slow when I was with them and started to grow up when I left home. I did not understand many things ye. It was too fast for us to be left. There was a saying that mother is not only a mum, she would be our the best friend ever, it was too bad, I could not have one. Til now, I don't have one that could be a mum role for me, but still, I am thankful that I could have one elder to talk too. At least I could have a lady model to talk to and share wit.


Mom, when I think back all this things, about you, dad and brother, I am thankful that now, you all are in a far and different place and did not have to suffer in the world now. The world is messy now, but tell you, both of your sweethearts are still survived. Yay!!! I am sure sister miss you too, she just never told me. Mum, don't worry, we are ladies now. Sister is getting marry soon this November 2011. I wish all you of you were here. :)


Mum, especially for you and for all mommies out there,

Happy Mother's Day!

Thank you for your love, kindness and greatness. We will always remember you, no matter where we are. You will always be missed and kept in our heart. May all the best and nicest things will always keep coming to you. Many happy returns to you too Mommy!

I love you Mum...

I miss you more than anything I could ever miss...

Love you Mum,

with lots of kissed and hugs from your sweetheart

:)

Traffic of thinking

"If only I could lower the traffic of thinking in my mind, I could be having a better peace of mind"

The harshest week of May!!!

Hello May,


too much to say! You are not the only harsh week I have ever had in my life. I am just tired. It was raining days for me with some storm. It is irritating and disturbing. I am tired and exhausted, but luckily, I have two great supporter; my Father and Sister Ee Wei... :) Thanks to both of you!

Most of it are about my relationship and my sister. 


I did not deal well with my boyfriend recently. As usual, I am the starter in the menu. As usual too, it was not the first time to happen and not the first time to happen in front of his family. The greatest part was it was in public. I was so sad because of that, he did not care about my feeling. Well, I could not blame himself too. My topic attracted his emotion and bomb, it exploded! It was none other than my jealousy. It was not 100% of my jealousy. I still remember, he had a phone call and talked about Lay Hoon's wedding in June. Then, I said, "EH, I wanna go!", he suddenly felt I did not keep my word as we have agreed that he would go alone to  save the red pocket money. Then, after I saw his reaction, then I agreed not to go...but he felt I was angry with him (in fact, I was not.) and he started to bring up the issue. He wanna knew the reasons behind why suddenly I wanna go. Simply for me, yes, I was jealous (she was your ex) and I simply wanna go man, you are my man, I have only a pride to go there with you, to see and know your friends. I like dinner. I love to dress up nicely.


For him, I am non sense, narrow minded, uneasy going and ungenerous lady, especially for this kind of thing. None of me is like others. Yes, honestly, I don't like to hear about his EX stories, but I would like if he shares about them personally to me instead I ask him or heard him talk about them to others (he rarely talk about them, but even for small things like who is getting married, I wish I could hear it from his own mouth, not knowing this when he talked about it to others). I know he does not like if I ask him about his EX, how that is and how this is. I still remember, you said why I have to be jealous over them; one is getting married (okay I know that) and one is now dating with his sister's friend's cousin and they are very much in love? How you know that man they are very much in love? I am trying hard actually to be someone better for you and my self. I know how hard to live to be my self and how hard it is to live with person like me.I hate my self too man! I am sorry if I am just bit over negative compared to others. I hate this week. Days have been hard and dark! I just wish I would stop the thinking traffic in my mind and stop thinking for awhile. I know and am sure you are tired and exhausted than me. My church's sister told me about man and I slowly learn to understand about it!...but some fact about jealousy is a common thing in relationship. I feel so sorry for you if I am bit over in this perspective...

Too much to say until I am not sure what and how to say it. I feel sad this few days. Thinking of this and you and others things make my eyes teary. It is really disturbing me. I know I could not talk much or text much about the same issue over and over again, you don't wish to have same conversation over the same issue over and over again. You don't have nothing to say. Maybe the time is not the right time yet. There are too many maybes. I am not sure, but one thing for sure, I feel so sorry for the bottom of my heart. I know the sadness and brokenness that I caused to you. It seems that I never feel satisfy and happy with your love for me. No, I am not, I am happy and appreciate much of you, but maybe my expression was wrong. Maybe my ways did not get a place in your heart and make you feel so upset. I am truly sorry. I know nothing much you and me could do now. Things seems to be hard for both us and only God's merciful hands could heal us. I love you man and wish we could always be for each other till the end of time.

Good bye April!!!

Days and weeks in April have been so lovely for me. With its storm and raining days in the midst, April is a great great month for me. I dealt well with my work even though I was not really satisfied at the end. My point was not the highest. My aim to be the employee of the month was faded away. I am not scared to lose, but it is just so disappointed when I couldn't be the one because of some points. That is the problem. However, I quickly wrapped up my self and ready to work even harder for the next month; May, June, July, August, September, October, November and December. :) Go go go Leny! You can do it!!! =D


You know what, I celebrated two birthday in April; my physical birthday and my spiritual birthday!!! Oh, I am so so happy and blessed. Thank my mum and family, I am on earth for 22 years. Upside down of the life have been part of my life. I am 22nd now and I am not original from the day I was born on April 28, 1989. I am combination of them; my family, my friends, my circumstances, my education and this world. Living for 22 years is not enough to be a good creature. Many things I still need to learn. They are waiting for me. This year I am setting a goal at the start on 2011, I wish I could deal well and have a breakthrough with my own personality and character; my hidden angles. I just wish this year I could have an improvement; simply to be someone better. :) 


The second one is my spiritual birthday on April 24, 2011. I accepted Jesus Christ and was baptized. Yay!!! Wishing this year could be another blessings year from Him. I believe my baptism was not a coincidence. I struggled in it for sometimes, I believe that He would fill my need, my thirst and my hunger. I am looking forward to a journey with Him through His people, His kingdom, His words and ministry. Father Lord, please strengthen me inside out to live a life in Your way; the life You want me to life in! Amen...


It was not all about April, I have lots of surprise for my birthday, I meant for April generally. I had the most expensive soup ever, treated by my elders in the church, I had a surprise holiday for my birthday, I got a cute and adorable gift from Tokyo Disneyland (by my elder in the church, I love it anyway, nice!!!), I had a book from the church for my spiritual birthday, I had simple but happy birthday celebration by my brothers and sisters in Christ, I had two cute gift from two sweet little girls (from my church too), hehehe...Thanks to Jillian, Gilbert, Dyan, Gee Gee, Jeeson, Kelven and of course, my boyfriend for the cake, the arrangement, the gift and the holiday. You made my day love!!! :)


Oh yeah, talking about holiday, we went to Bangkok. I was actually 'splattered'. It was my boyfriend's company trip, but since his staff could go due to his early pregnancy symptoms, she had to cancel and jackpot, my boyfriend then gifted me this memorable trip :) You know what, we shopped a lot (I meant me) and ate a lot, he allowed me to eat and eat, thanks thanks my dearly love, hahaha...It was another memorable trip with him! I love Bangkok, it was a shopping paradise. All stuffs are cheap and have a good quality, a must go place for ladies! I will go back there someday with my ladies ONLY, no guys please!!! Yay!!! hahahaha...It was how my lovely April ended, bye April and hello to May! Be happy everyone and cheers~




Love you Babe!!! Thank you...