My enemy is myself

The saying about "your biggest enemy is yourself" is just so true. I realize about this not only this time or this moment, but I just feel I need God's help to destroy the enemy in my self. In my life, I have taken almost everyone and everything to be my enemy. It is so true that my elders said everything in my life all matters lots to me. I wonder why sometimes I am being too detail ;)

The truth is that I think and ponder too much and sometimes beyond the fact. I am not sure and know if it is all are just my thoughts beyond or the truths. I don't care if it is true, I just wish I could have a better and perspective toward my life, really...a positive attitude so that I could live happier, I am not saying I am not happy or always under tension or stress, just a happier life in which reflected that I don't feel sad, annoyed or upset/ jealous or angry easily when someone is better than me, when I did not get something that I want. Simply being positive!:)

I want to learn to accept others for who they are, I want to learn to love them just like how I love my self and others things (or at least, I do not hate them), I want to learn to be happy in person's happiness, I want to have joy when people rejoice in their life. Could I? If yes, how long then I would be someone like that?

I guess almost everyone knows that I get upset or annoyed so easily when something/ someone, hmm..no, especially someone was being recognized more by others while I am doing or putting more effort in something that I do or anything, even the simplest things in my life, I take them too serious. I am bad too in hiding those emotional. People who are around me, whether they know me well or not, I can not lie them about my emotional.

Honestly, I complaint a lot about people; I do not like this and that, I want them to be like this and that, my boyfriend said I have to learn to not complaint for a day and he will be happy. I know that but sometimes I told him things I dislike just because I need to tell some one, is it a complaint as well? I don't know, hahaha...Recently, I just really realize about putting trust in God that He will change me and make me a better person. This morning, I was listening to K-Love and there was song Trust in Jesus by Third Day. I was having teary eyes. I have pictures of my problems, obstacles, wishes and hopes in my mind, a lot, tons of them maybe. It is about being someone better for people that I love, for people that love me, to be a positive person towards life, to be able to help my sister, to be someones who is sincere in doing things and living this life, to be someone better for my friends, family and relatives and all. It is so much more than this that I could describe one by one. That is much more than this that sometimes I do not know what I want exactly.

Back to the song, the song just hits me that have I trusted my God fully as my Savior, Redeemer and my Deliverer? No, not fully 100%. I still do things with my own understanding sometimes. The song reminded me that I have to put my 100% trust in Him and focus my life on Him, so that all the problems and obstacles that I have would be something I am thankful and grateful for, so that all those negativism and worry would turn to be a blessing in my life and for others. The truth is that I am not able to focus my life yet to Him. I keep reminding my self daily that I need to invite Him to come to my life everyday and every moment in my life, to have a full control of my life.

Father, I am so thankful and grateful that You put me here

You blesses me with a lots of things and people

Yet, sometimes, I ask for more from you

After the youth camp, something is really touching me,

no word can describe actually how much I am being thankful to You

No one would understand why, because my self don't even understand

I don't know why

What have You been doing?

Which part of my life that You touched that days?

Father, You know I am not religious and not being enough spiritual compare to many other Christian

but I believe You make Your way for me

Even so, I am sinner that I could easily sin towards You and You people 

Please forgive my sin Father

I truly and deeply realize that I need Your help for my wishes; 

to be someone better, to be changed inside out and to be positive

but, last reading about Experiencing God made me realize, 

that again, I need you

I may not know or identify what Your will in my life

If possible, just let Your way, Your will and Your plan be done in my life

Through the bad and evils characters that I may have

Through the negativism and selfishness that sit in me

Through all things that I complaint and dislike; people, things and circumstances

Through all the bad and good times

Please help me Lord to find my way in You

To be the one who learn to live a life in Your way and Your order

I just need Your love, Your help, Your guidance that will always hold and strengthen my heart to learn and to know that You are my God in whom nothing is impossible, the one who never fails His people and the one who always keep promises!

Heavenly Father,

writing is a way for me to express my self towards things in my life, included You

You know every thoughts (whether it is good or bad), wishes and hopes at every second in my life,

my problems and obstacles,

You know my heart, my mind and my body very well that I don't even know who I am sometimes

If my writing not a sincere expression of my thoughts on things and people, especially You

If I write good things to let people read about my ability to write,

If I write the worst part about me so that people would pity me,

If I write to talk bad about things and people

Do please forgive me,

Guide me in every letter that I type ad write next time is to glorify Your name, Your Kingdom and Your people.

If so, don't please leave me, but correct me through people and circumstances around me,

and by Your graces,

makes my writing just simply to write what I think and what I want to write.

Amen...

 

Trust In Jesus

Third Day

from the album Move

One of these days we all will stand in judgment for
Every single word
That we have spoken
One of these days we all will stand before the Lord
Give a reason for
Everything we've done
And what I've done is

(Chorus)
Trust in Jesus
My great Deliverer
My strong Defender
The Son of God
I trust in Jesus
Blessed Redeemer
My Lord forever
The Holy One, the Holy One

What are you gonna do when your time has come
And your life is done
And there's nothing you can stand on
What will you have to say at the judgment throne
Well, I already know
The only thing that I can say I

Chorus


There's nothing I can do on my own to find forgiveness
It's by His grace alone
I trust in Jesus, trust in Jesus

Chorus X2




Him: "Could you please learn to be someone who do not complain? Just try to do it one day! Try to be grateful and thankful every night to Him before you sleep. Say out every little things that you want to thank Him for a day. Just a day! Could you?"

Her: "I will try!"