Hello May,
too much to say! You are not the only harsh week I have ever had in my life. I am just tired. It was raining days for me with some storm. It is irritating and disturbing. I am tired and exhausted, but luckily, I have two great supporter; my Father and Sister Ee Wei... :) Thanks to both of you!
Most of it are about my relationship and my sister.
I did not deal well with my boyfriend recently. As usual, I am the starter in the menu. As usual too, it was not the first time to happen and not the first time to happen in front of his family. The greatest part was it was in public. I was so sad because of that, he did not care about my feeling. Well, I could not blame himself too. My topic attracted his emotion and bomb, it exploded! It was none other than my jealousy. It was not 100% of my jealousy. I still remember, he had a phone call and talked about Lay Hoon's wedding in June. Then, I said, "EH, I wanna go!", he suddenly felt I did not keep my word as we have agreed that he would go alone to save the red pocket money. Then, after I saw his reaction, then I agreed not to go...but he felt I was angry with him (in fact, I was not.) and he started to bring up the issue. He wanna knew the reasons behind why suddenly I wanna go. Simply for me, yes, I was jealous (she was your ex) and I simply wanna go man, you are my man, I have only a pride to go there with you, to see and know your friends. I like dinner. I love to dress up nicely.
For him, I am non sense, narrow minded, uneasy going and ungenerous lady, especially for this kind of thing. None of me is like others. Yes, honestly, I don't like to hear about his EX stories, but I would like if he shares about them personally to me instead I ask him or heard him talk about them to others (he rarely talk about them, but even for small things like who is getting married, I wish I could hear it from his own mouth, not knowing this when he talked about it to others). I know he does not like if I ask him about his EX, how that is and how this is. I still remember, you said why I have to be jealous over them; one is getting married (okay I know that) and one is now dating with his sister's friend's cousin and they are very much in love? How you know that man they are very much in love? I am trying hard actually to be someone better for you and my self. I know how hard to live to be my self and how hard it is to live with person like me.I hate my self too man! I am sorry if I am just bit over negative compared to others. I hate this week. Days have been hard and dark! I just wish I would stop the thinking traffic in my mind and stop thinking for awhile. I know and am sure you are tired and exhausted than me. My church's sister told me about man and I slowly learn to understand about it!...but some fact about jealousy is a common thing in relationship. I feel so sorry for you if I am bit over in this perspective...
Too much to say until I am not sure what and how to say it. I feel sad this few days. Thinking of this and you and others things make my eyes teary. It is really disturbing me. I know I could not talk much or text much about the same issue over and over again, you don't wish to have same conversation over the same issue over and over again. You don't have nothing to say. Maybe the time is not the right time yet. There are too many maybes. I am not sure, but one thing for sure, I feel so sorry for the bottom of my heart. I know the sadness and brokenness that I caused to you. It seems that I never feel satisfy and happy with your love for me. No, I am not, I am happy and appreciate much of you, but maybe my expression was wrong. Maybe my ways did not get a place in your heart and make you feel so upset. I am truly sorry. I know nothing much you and me could do now. Things seems to be hard for both us and only God's merciful hands could heal us. I love you man and wish we could always be for each other till the end of time.
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