Me and my colleagues

Hm...I have been so passionate in sharing about this last week, but I only have time to write it out today. As usual, the same issue, but now is between me and my colleagues; my team lunch and friends. The feeling was just getting stronger and stronger that I feel uncomfortable. It maybe happen because I think too much or being sensitive. I just hope that uncomfortable will go far away. I simply wish I could get along with them. Not having good relationship with everyone in the office, but at least, I am doing okay with all of them.

I am happened to be in certain group at the office when I first came to work and I have been in the group for a year. They are my lunch mate, dinner mate sometimes and even, friends. Simply, we do not end at the office. Some members quit and new comers will come and stay. Is this the causes? I am not sure.

Now, I prefer to listen more rather than talk. I will talk only on the appropriate time; when it is necessary or I have things to say. I become quite at the point. Yup, I can not deny, I have been so serious in person, yes I am!!! I can bring all my personal thoughts to my work place. It just make my face even more serious and burdened. It makes me quite because I keep thinking and thinking. My mood sometimes swings, but being quite is the most noticeable symptoms.

I guess the old member departure and new members departure change the group atmosphere. I can not deny, I have been so talkative before compared to now. Maybe different people have different topic of mind. It is common to happen, but this arouse my uncomfortable to be in the group. 

One of the new comer is a mother. She is a wife, a mother of a son and a former lecturer. She talks so much and sometimes,I feel like she is showing off her knowledge and experience; scared of lose. Haih, am I just being so sensitive actually? :( Anyway, my dislike just appears once in a long time.

Another one is a lady. She has same aged with me and graduated from UK. She must be somehow comes from quite rich/ rich family. Well, she likes to talk about UK during lunch and has been strongly influenced by the Western culture. She does not eat Chinese foods much and she hates her mother and her families. Am I just being so sensitive again? Why am I so? :( I am sad for being so, but I prefer to keep quite most of the time. I am not knowledgeable like everyone of them. We are six in a group; two of them were graduated form UK, two of them were former lecturer and one of them graduated from IT School (something like that). I hope my uncomfortable will go far away. I do not plan to leave the group. I will just do what my heart tell me to do; to join lunch or not, to join the outing or not. Recently, I have lunch with my church friends. The reason is just because I do not feel like to eat with them. Am I escaping my self from the uncomfortable?  I am not sure if it is called an escape or do the right things (If you do not feel comfortable, don't do that! or is it like do the right things?)...Ohhh..I do not know! It is maybe my self is being too sensitive. 

Oh ya, one thing, they like to complaint about life and job. I know I am other than those people as well; who gossip, who complaint about this and that, but they are too much sometimes and I can not accept. Sometimes, I feel like to fight back, but I prefer not to talk too much. Being quite is a golden sometimes! Some of them complaint about how bad the job is, yes, me too, sometimes, but they should quit and find new job if they feel so. They are over complaint about it sometimes. Some them dislike marriage, dislike having a kid, dislike their mother and family. I do not into my family as well, I have them sometimes too, but I do not understand them most of the time. 

Honestly, I am not a kind of friendly and easy going person, but I am not that bad. I talk much when I get to know people, but I change once I feel uncomfortable. I just wish I could get along with okay rating with my colleagues. At the same time, I will do, say and behave in a way that make me comfortable. Being quite, being a good listener and talking when it s necessary may be good solution. At the same time, let me try best to get my comfortable back in the team, let me evaluate my self...Hope it will not last long :)

I will do what my heart tell, if yes, then yes, if no the no. I just do not want to be in a group of unrighteousness people and get affected to it! I am not referring to my colleagues, but in my social life generally! Be firm and still! :)