Nobody would knows how my relationship is with my sister, my older sister. We live together for only 16 years and we are apart until now. Now, I am 22 years old and she is 25 years old. I am now in Penang and she is in Medan. She was in Taiwan before for four years and then I moved to Penang, Malaysia when she went back. The distant and bridge between us two is quite big. We are not close to each other just like how sisters should be. We are lack of communication. 22 years for me is not enough and 25 years for her make no difference or improvement for our sisterhood. I feel sometimes that I am closer to person who does not have any blood connection with me, even so, I still feel there is a different between sister and sister from outside world.
My sister is getting marry soon. I do feel happy for her and upset at the same time. I do feel sorry for her that I could be there in person to help her for her special day ever. We do not have mum and dad to share the happiness with. Mum matters most. Wedding is the biggest and the most special day ever for woman, especially for a mother. A mother should be happy for her daughter's wedding. I could not imagine how perfect the happiness of my sister and me if Mum was still here. Prior to the wedding, all of us should be busy; preparing the guest list, the food and to do list, going for the bridal house and try out many gowns for the day to come, taking picture, wedding shopping and so many things would be fun for every mother and family.
I do feel like go back and help her, but I could not. I am working and I could take leaves all the time. This year is too packed for me. I wish to be there and help her just like a sister and mother for her. Even we do not talk much, but I believe she loves me just like how I love him. She is surely miss sisterhoods and family to be with her and share her burden, responsibilities and her happiness.
Sister, I know and realize that both of us are still grieving over our loss. We did not deal with it actually. The impact of the tragedy are far more greater than I have ever known. It impacted me and my sister a lot. Both of us do not talk much, we are not easy going, we feel that we are different, we introvert type of ladies. I feel the impact after seven years. It is too late actually. I wish I could help her to let things go, but I am helpless too, I could not, even my self have not dealt with it yet. How can I help my sister?
I know my sister very well. She is worse than me for some perspective, but she is a good girl, better than me. She never speaks out her thoughts and voice. She could not express her self well. She does not care too much abut her life, especially how others think about her. She never fight for her rights. I am not sure if she does not want or she could not. I am really getting angry when I talk to her because of her uncaring personality. By the way, I have never been a good listener also. She is too simple in thoughts. I do not understand my sister and that makes me really sad. She is my sister, but I guess we do not do much what sisterhood supposed to do; sharing, shopping and spending time together. We rarely do that, almost never.
I do not know how my sister feeling about the wedding. She must be happy, but I believe there must be hidden sadness deep inside. Personally, I would feel sad and happy at the same time. I will miss my family so much, especially my mum. I am sure my sis feel the same too. I wish I could share her sadness, but she never shares it to me. Her answer was yes, no, I don't know or not sure yet. I do not blame her, maybe I can be a good listener, that is why. What a bad sister I am! :(
I heard my auntie said that some of my family members asked my sister why she did not have her wedding at my uncle restaurant and guess what, my sister only kept quite. Yes, it maybe right to keep quite, but would it be wrong if my sister said the wedding was planned by the guy's side. Well, my sister did a mistake too. Both of them decided too fast without discussion with family members, but they should not blame my sister all the time and one thing, they never try to understand me and my sister feeling or personality.
I am upset why all of them seems not to be supportive towards my sister. She is getting marry soon and none of them seem to be happy. My sister also tries to build a relationship between my uncle and her loved one, but their respond towards my sister is upset me. They should not act like that. We both have try best sometimes, but we will never could be good enough for them. I know my sister must be sad at some points, but she can do nothing. She also never told me.
I don't care too much about how to polish my relationship with my families, especially with those from my father's side. They never support me and my sister. For them, we are little girls that will never grow up. It maybe about the responsibility to take of us, but times changes, we grow up and we are going to have our own life. They should let and give us the trust. I do not deny that communication would be our main problem, I think everyone of us has to learn in this life. We maybe too young to understand so many things, but me and my sister are learning and try best to be the good one. You guys too have to learn. :)
No matter what I really wish I could be there for her, to prepare all things for her for her big big day. I love you sis, after all, I hope you could be far more than happy after the marriage, you could do your things in your own ways, has a simple and happy family...I hope both of us could be happy and have loved ones as our true love. Wishing you to live happily ever after sister, I love you~
No comments:
Post a Comment