This is Love

Thanks Diana for sharing! *love*

Over the Rainbow

I have been OFF blogging for one month plus. It has been hectic months and weeks, from my study, my job, my personal life, my ministry at my church and one more new activity; online shop!

Tiring but fun and full of satisfaction at the end. My workload is crazy enough until next week. Hopefully, it'd slow down a bit and we got to rest awhile at least. After all, we got a good news from Reuters that bought us over. Some great changes are happening soon and I guess we should be thankful and grateful, but I don't think everyone does the same. Now, we have 20 days leave with one day added for each year completed maximum to 25 days. We now have flexi spending account up to RM750.00 per year for dental and medical care health. We got reward on our b'day too. They offer foreign worker for EPF overseas programme which is more likely to investment. At least, there is a good news for everyone of us! Thanks God for all these, especially the leaves and the flexi spending, I need that.

Then about my study, I haven't really touch my book and study hard. I just passed up three assignments last weekend and three are coming up in the third week of March, and last three in April and finally, exam in June, so fast man!!!! XD I did a timetable for myself, but I didn't follow them, I can't. There are quite numbers of family visits this time till next week. Next week, I will be busy on my assignment too, as well as my job.

Guys, I am doing another new things anyway, besides my ministry at church too. One of the trend now, it's online shopping. I open one in Facebook and so far,  I am doing okay. Excited and feel down, when there is no business. After all, I keep reminding my self, they are not my main focus. I start because of the chance given by Him, I believe and support. I hope it won't bother and take up much of my time for managing this. I am happy with it now. Doing slowly and right! Thanks for all support, they are more to come! :)

Lastly for my ministry in BB and CG, it's becoming more and more busy in BB ministry with my junior intensive class and as the Secretary of the company. Two mains events are coming up; Brigade Council Meeting in April at Malacca and BB PESTA 2012 in June at JB. We will be joining these two main events; meeting, dancing and singing in BB PESTA 2012. We haven't start practice yet, hopefully few things would be settled and decided, so we could start next week. I am excited for singing and dancing part. Pray for us readers, may God be with us throughout the process with those boys, girls and officers.

Busy life, hectic schedule means tiring day but yet maybe fun, up and downs, I just hope God would guide me in every action that I make, every word that I say, my thought and my mind.

 

*pray for me if you read this, I need God really in my life; His mercy, His love, His grace to me. I changed a lot, from sweet nice lady to be someone worse, people admitted that, even the person I am closest too* 

My days in hometown@21Jan 2012 - 24 Jan 2012

Today is the 4th day of Lunar New Year. I was back to Penang on the 2nd day. It was a very short holiday but it made just enough. Well, here below are some of my memories when I was in Medan for my CNY holidays! I had a good time and a low time too...

Thanks everyone for making my good times and joy there! :)

It is not the same with the last time I went back to Medan. My sister was married. I usually have that purpose of visiting her and my high school friends/ teacher every time I went back and not this time. I felt so lazy and a bit bored, but still okay for me. I had fun and the joy and low time too. I gathered with my family for reunion dinner and CNY. We took pictures and competing in getting more and more red pocket. One thing I missed is only my sister. Not only about missing her, but also not having her around during the festive season or even just for my visitation, she was not around. We only met not more than one hour when I was in my aunt house and it was not enough for sure.

I am happy that she is pregnant now. I hope she would doing fine with her new family and husband. After all, myself, as her sister, the one who supposed to support her, for another time, I felt disappointed towards her. I really don't understand what is inside her head and heart. Simply I could day is another complaint from my uncle (dad's side) upon us, both of us. He phoned my aunt (my mom's sis at Jakarta) and told her how disappointed himself towards us. Well, I don't mind what he thinks about me, but not my sister. They are not even trying to understand me and my sister. Not only living as orphans for years, but also how the bond is that we have with them. Years come, and I get better with them. I try hard, but I could see, not to my sister. Ever since she had a boyfriend who is now her husband, my aunt (mu uncle from my dad's side wife) said she changed a lot and until she got married. I try to be one who supported her, even I can't. I used to teach her this and that and until now, I do so. I am just tired when all I do is try to help her, but herself never try to help hew own self. She blamed me that I always think about my relatives; how they think and look at us. It could not be my main purpose. All I do is just to protect her. Selfishly and worst I could say is her husband maybe the mistake. I want to let the past go and hope she would develop that better relationship with my relatives when I am away. I hope her marriage could be a open gate for her heart and mind about the family bonding, sisterhood and all, but I made mistake. I heard another aunt (my mom's sister) said that before she married, she said it would get better by just marrying a man. I know and understand the pressure that she has when it was about living with your relatives, worked with them, stayed with them, I had the same, but thankfully I am not in Medan anymore, even so, I still could feel that pressure sometimes. My family is a type of a very Chinese and traditional family. They respect highly what we called manner and all. Maybe me and my sister could not do that well and made them feel the bad and disappointment. 

As like in festive season, days before, I always remind my sister, to go back and visit them once, to go out and hang around my my cousins and all, just to spend time and remember. No matter how busy, how hate or dislike, you should just spare time, even a text message asking how they are doing is more than enough. I reminded my sister to called all my main relatives on CNY morning to greet them in which I expected herself and her husband would call and greet them. I knew my sister called, but not her husband. Well, I could say that was the another biggest mistake ever. From the first, I know my relatives have been not really supportive towards my sister relationship. There are so many factors and rumors going on, even until they get married. Too many misunderstanding between them; two families. I didn't blame any family who would choose to go for holiday rather than visiting families and friends doing CNY, but my sis and her husband actually should not do so in my opinion. Simple, it is the first year of CNY where my sister just married him. His family should pay visit before they went to holiday, but they didn't. I knew my sister's husband didn't called them up to greet them. I have no words to say. I didn't dare to talk about my sister in front of them/ in the gathering. I didn't dare to ask my cousins if they phoned my sister and his husband to greet them a happy CNY or not. I tried to avoid the conversation basically; helping her so that at least, she and family would look good, but not her. She said I am thinking too much about them. I am not, I just want herself to develop that better relationship, so that when some unexpected things happen, my relatives there would help and support her, but after all, I know it is all back to her to decide and think wisely. I lose that sisterhood forever I know, I lose that trust from her, my words and all maybe offended herself and her new family, but honestly, 100% I have no idea what is in her head and heart and how she thinks. We fail her.

At the other side, my family should learn to let her go with her new family and should understand us better. I hope my sister's husband could be a constructive, positive person with an action, a person who is not only his-family-oriented, but also a person who could think wisely, not only talk wisely, a person could have a will to develop that relationship with my sister's family.  A good ordinary man. Honestly, his impression to me is fading away. All complaints, rumors and things happened, affected me for sure. I hope I won't have to label my sister's husband. Like my aunt (my mom's sister) said, as long as her husband and family love her till the end of time, let it be!

I hope I could. I just hope I will let those worry and all die in my heart just before I leave the earth. I don't want to have another regret in my life.

Another new journey starts...

Well, the year of 2012 just starts and a lot of new things, challenges and even new resolutions from me are up. My long awaited decision to further my study finally came to an end and I signed up yesterday. If I am going to wait again and think, I will never complete one. Thanks God that He assists me throughout the years, starting from my decision to work first after Diploma, good job and all, He opened another gateway for me again for my dream to come true. With support from my boyfriend and relatives, well...I am now a part time student soon at Wawasan Open University. I am taking degree in Business Management and would get the Bachelor Degree in three years. I believe time flies so fast. I am getting nervous and scared anyway.

I have been off from my study for almost 2 years plus and now, I will doing it again. I worry if I still can study, manage my time like I studied before. I have class once a month on one of the Saturday and Sunday. It is a real and true self learning. It gives us the material and all those documents  on how the nature of study is. One word I could say is that all of them are so high technology stuff. I wonder if I would manage them well. Even before class start, I have known my assignments for three subjects I take this semester. I have total 9 assignment this semester. The exam timetable is out as well and yeah, I am really scared if I could study well while working and manage my time just well for everything.

Somehow with my busy schedule, I get to be off in my BB ministry once a month for class and give up few things if my time could not match them. Long to go, but few changes are coming up too. I will have my first class this coming weekend after CNY and I have to read all my books before class starts at least. So I know what problem I have. I am really scared and nervous inside. Ah, more thing I wanna say thanks is for the option available in the university that I could pay my fees monthly. It helps me a lot. Besides well and good time management, I need to take another higher step for my financial management.

Wish me luck everyone!

Just before end of today and a busy week ahead, I wanna wish everyone a happy, prosperous, wealthy and healthy new year. May good luck and good fortune always be with you in the year of Dragon! =)

Happy Birthday to you!

Today, I am celebrating the big day of my  my amazing friend, lover and enemy.

He is ALL in ONE for me.

♥ 

Once again, happy blessed birthday to you!

♥ 

Lord Father,

as the day of him is increasing,

please You to bless him and guide him for days to come,

lift him up when he falls,

give him strength upon strength each day,

comfort and encourage him when the sorrows come,

give him the wisdom and the knowledge in all things he does.

May he always grows in Your faith, hope, and love.

Have Your way in him Lord.

We pray in Jesus name.

Amen.

My joy over smallest things

Past few weeks was a busy week and still until today, but I have been in holiday mood. I can't wait to have some of my "parties" before I go back to my hometown this Saturday. I could say I am not busy with my job for sure, but more to the Boys' Brigade things. Lately after the treasure hunt on Saturday, now me and my loved ones and two our young ladies are busy with the decoration for the BB notice board at school. We are joining the competition on 19 January 2011, hahaha...I hope we could impress them.

I am happy with my ministry now. With some disappointment, bad times and of course good time, we all could see the improvement of our young men and ladies, whether it is at homeschool or even in Han Chiang High School. I hope we will be united and bonded as time passes by, as we are together in the journey. I am happy to know all of them. Good or bad, they enrich me and let me learn a lot of new things. I am happy that I am with my loved in the journey. He is my lover, my friend and my mentor, as well as my enemy, hahaha...The greatest moment I could have done is sharing with them. I bought them snacks or even small gifts. Some people said I may pampered them, but I don't think so. I am happy doing that and they are happy too. Even over those small offerings and sharing, the invisible one maybe, I had my joy.

Another greatest joy I could ever have is seeing my loved one talking to those young men and ladies. I didn't know what they talked about, but I am just happy. I have my joy by seeing those old man and young men talking. They called him, "Sir...Ah Sir a...This a....That a...!", hahaha...I am truly happy. Being with those kids, just requires a bit more time, a bit more energy, a bit more sacrifice and just a bit a bit more of our self would do. I am happy I could learn by doing this ministry now. Sometimes, I feel like, why I am doing this, especially when I have crisis time, sometimes I feel like, I should do more and care more. I hope I could be a friend to them too someday. I hope I could be a good mentor to them, a good sister. I could not be perfect one. Perhaps, I just need to do what I should do without worrying too much if I am the bad or good one for them, hahaha...Enjoy the ride and journey with all of them and I could see so many new challenges are coming up. Fuyoh...from my life, personal matter, work, ministry and all. Don't give up Leny and keep going by doing your best.

Finally I know what it meant, be happy and live happily and I would be just happy! Xoxo,

Events in life

I wanna remind my self about life. No matter what. it goes on and will never stop. I just wished events in life, good or bad, would never make me or others wanna stop for a moment. I can't deny I feel so sometimes, especially in good and cherish moment. I can't stop my self to stop bad things or moments to come. How I respond and act towards it matters most. 

Early in this year 2012, my loved ones got a trial in the journey of his life, mentally and spiritually. It affected me and other, I believe so. However, I believe things happened for reasons. It varies and people around would never know or understand it better like yourself, the one who experiences it. I didn't want to comment much or say too much about that. Not I am scared people know about it or scared I will make the situation or few things worse, but I just don't know and understand it better as my loved one does. Even to talk about it, I need to make sure I told a person correctly, truthfully and sincerely with strong determination and being neutral. I am trying to see things neutrally in human's perspective and of course, godly perspective. I could feel that good, disappointment, sadness or cherish moment about things just like my loved one does. As I said, things happen for a reason. 

I would never want things were passed on from one to another. It would end up just worse I guess. People added this up and forget another things. It is not as pure as the first receiver and it is 100% incomplete. I don't want to judge people and just hope I would do the same; think and ponder carefully and only react properly. After all and what happened, it strengthen me somehow to do the same way and to think clearly and of course stick to my new year resolutions. It was a lot to do with my lists and guess what, I hate few things because they sometimes failed me, arghhh.....!!!I hope at the end of the year, it would surprise me, may God be with me.

This year and for years to come, in my daily life and routine, in the journey of life spiritually, mentally and physically, I want to have and do it in Godly way and perspective. I want to seek Him always. I know, I may fail Him and even people around me.  It is  easy to say and easier to be broken. I read this today and it awakened me.  It reminds me the true way of loving Him.

There is no such thing as loving God without seeking to obey His word. It does not exist; it is just a figment of someone’s religious imagination. - Mike Bickle #trueloveonJesus'terms

Love and seek for Him at the same time. No loving without seeking or no seeking that would never make you love Him.

After all what happened, or happening now, even for things that are going to happen, I just wanna remind my self to be grateful and thankful enough in life and STOP COMPLAINING. Also, to share more, to love more, to care more, to trust more and to do more, as long as I still can do it. Do it just like we do it for God without asking any return/ rewards, even in smallest things we do, I wanna do it clear with these purpose in mind. It is hard but I need to hold on this and to live my life in better and more positive way. 

 

 

 "I still recalled when the last time, Jeremiah 29:11 spoke to me again. God incorporates our mistakes with His plan that prosper us at the end of the day. Amen and thanks Lord!"

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you, 

declares the Lord,

plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 

plans to give you

hope and a future."

This verse came to my life three times since 30 December to last night when I had my reading. For me it was just coincidence and it spoke to me like, well...This is for you! Thanks Lord, it gave me assurance of whatever Your plans to come.

I believe whatever is that, it's gonna prosper me, give me hope and future. May I could be able Lord to share them out. Amen....

A new start on New Year?

Hm...I did not have any big or glamour party for the New Year's Eve, just a small gathering and dinner at my loved one's house. We did not have any special count down. We were viewing and watching photos from our Taiwan Trip on October 2011 as well as the proposal video. Well, nothing much, but I guess everyone had a fun and happy time. 

Thanks to my auntie for the delicious soup. I gotta try it next time on my own. Yay! Thanks to my auntie, my loved ones' family, Eric and my self for sponsoring and arranging this great New Year's Eve dinner and gathering.

Psst. I miss my sister and was hoping I should spent my New Year/ festive with her ones. We never have any. 

.I MISS HER.

New Year 2012 for a new chance, a new hope and new opportunity

Tomorrow is a New Year Eve, 31 December 2011. Days passed so fast and I am not really ready for year 2011 to go. Good bye to 2011. Thanks for the good and bad moments. Well, new year is coming, and I just wanna fix and get things right for all year long. Cheers everybody!~

Here I go for my New Year's resolution:

1. Finish my Bible reading

2. Regular prayer (a morning prayer and night devotional)

3. Live gracefully, thankfully and gratefully each day (start with a day, two days, week, weeks, months, amen!)

4. Get enough sleep

5. Sport regularly

6. Learn to sing better and better with my heart (and planning to get a course if it's affordable)

7. Focus in the main purpose when I serve in church ministry (not to get any rewards, return, etc, but to serve and help)

8. Read few book a year at least (3)

9. Be positive and positive (control my temper and thoughts, as well as my actions)

10. Learn to listen 

11. Learn to establish an even better relationship with things and people around me

12. Have one trip at least with my loved ones/ families/ friends (COMPLETED)

13. Do well and take my job seriously and do it even better than years before

14. Establish good sisterhood and friendship with my sister (keep her in prayer always)

15. Continue my study if God wants me to study

Be a better and positive person after in all aspects of my life with people and things around me. It is always one of my new year's resolution, but sad, I am not really improving or maybe I am not all. Year 2011 is not a good breakthrough year for me. It is bad instead. I had quite numbers of worst life moments here. 

See you all my resolutions. See you all in December 2012. I hope I would have myself surprised at the end of the year. :)

Lord, keep leading me and guide me in Your way. Draw me close and closer to You each day through things and people around me. Use me too, in Your way.; to help and to serve people You want me to serve and connect with. Keep my loved ones, my sister, my families, relatives and friends always in Your hand. Strengthen me inside out too Lord! Change me inside out to be someone You want me to be! Please, please have Your way in me Lord! I give all to Your hands! Pray in Jesus glorious Abba Father name. Amen...

Good bye to you 2011!

2011, well...it has been a good-bad year. I have had good and bad moments with my friends, families, colleagues, relatives and my loved ones. Me, myself not have not been good enough for the year. I failed people and even my own self, I make other disappointed and hurt some people in life.

It's hard to say goodbye when you know the year is now coming to an end and you haven't done anything meaningful for people and things around you. Honestly, if it happened people ask me what you have done this year, well..um...I am not so sure what to answer. I try to do best in my job (it's a yes, but I complaint still and few times I didn't put my heart in and just finished for deadline), I serve in my church ministry (yes for sure, in worship team and BB ministry, as well as in youth committee, yet I still complaint about few things and people and I haven't been the one who could really work well and not the real good one, but I try my best), I share, take and give (yes, all in one, I need to do more) and blah blah blah...

This morning, when I drove to work. I remembered about my last new year's resolution. When I try to tick them in my mind, whether I hit or not well, I can't name even one. I don't seems to be improving my attitude and behavior after so many things happened,  I haven't finished reading my bible, I haven't committed my self to pray everyday without a miss, I haven't be positive, thankful or grateful enough. What have I been doing all these year? It was more likely daily routine; I wake up at the morning, I drive to work while listening to music and praying, I arrive at the office,taking my b'fast, listening to music, watching videos, blogging, facebook-ing, surfing internet, do my job in the midst of these things until 5pm or even more if I have too, I go back to my home, go to gym if I am free and not tired, or dating friends/ my loved ones if any, I have my own movie/ I cook my dinner/ I read few pages of books/ magazine, pray and sleep. That is my weekday routines. Really, I can't recall any good things/ meaningful things I have done to people and things around me, except this Christmas for what I have done to two young men . It is a sad things and I would like to start a new resolution next year and hope that I would be surprise my own self at the end of the day. Could I?

I just wanna say thank you to all things and people around me. Whether I failed you, hurt you, make you feel bad, I made you disappointed or anything else that made you sad or angry. I am truly sorry and I would have myself to do even better next year, all day long. I haven't been enough thankful and grateful too in life for people and things around me. Basically, I am more likely to be negative, full of complaints and not good enough. It is really hard for me to say goodbye 2011, but I need to let them go as to have what is awaiting me next year.

Wishing you all a happy, blessed and joyous New Year! Here are some pics I love to share with you!

 ...He gives us so much more than the risen sun, blossoms flowers and the blue sky. It a new hope and new blessings for each everyone of us each morning...I wanna count it and let the joy come over me for every little single things in me.

 

 Remember: Life doesn't have to be perfect for you to be happy. Every little things counts and matters. Get over it and look beyond the imperfection. Be happy Leny, nobody and nobody's life is perfect!

 He know you and me best. He plan and give the best. It may not be the best in the beginning for you, but He will make things work for you through people and things around you. It prospers you!

 Life your life to the fullest! Live each day as it's last day of your life!
“Learn how to live and you'll know how to die; learn how to die, and you'll know how to live.”
  -Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie-

 Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. 

~ Oprah Winfrey ~

 A new day is not on New Year's Eve. It's a new day everyday when you wake up and see the sun rise.

Blessed and joyous new year for you and me!

 Cheers to you and me for year and days to come...!!! =)

 “The secret to happiness...be satisfied and be grateful.”
- Mitch Albom, Have a Little Faith: The Story of a Last Request -

 Learn, change, grow and make difference in days to come...and be surprised at the end of the day!

 The old year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The new year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months! 

~ Edward Payson Powell ~

 All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. 

~ Walt Disney ~

 Years come and go, and numbers never matter! Dream and live!!! Cheers~

 Fight for change, to hold on and to let go! Never give up and keep fighting...

 Letting go doesn't mean you forget or give up on thing or person! It's just another new step to welcome what is ahead of you!

 Especially for you! Set your new year's resolutions and check 'em out next year! You'll be surprised.

 ...The ball is suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the new year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps, our promises made and broken. The times we... opened ourselves up to great adventures or closed ourselves down for fear of getting hurt because that is what new years is all about- getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about what if and start embracing what would be. So when that ball drops at midnight and it will drop, let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long.

-Claire Morgan at New Year's Eve-

*Psst...those above is more likely I am talking to may self, encouraging and motivating my own self and my own prayer. *

I had a bad day - 27.12.2011

Yesterday, I had a really bad day. Being lack of sleep, made my mood swing the whole day. I was super tired and sleepy. I hoped I could stop the time for awhile and sleep, but it was impossible. My sister and her new family were coming yesterday as well. I picked them up from the airport and we headed for lunch at QB Mall. One thing, I didn't feel comfortable, as maybe I am tired, moody and all. I believe they could see it as well (my bitter and tired face). I feel like dealing with strangers, even with my sister. I arranged few things and plan for them, but it didn't seem to work well. So, I'll just let them do in their way. I could see that her husband didn't like it. Well, I don't know, but we were more likely to be strangers for each other for whole day.

It was first thing and second things was that my conversation with my loved ones most probably led to the conflict. It happened at least three times yesterday, excluded days before. I felt like to give up as I always made him feel bad and mad. I was thinking a break and a stop would help us maybe, but it should not be the way. I am getting worst each day and I feel like to go away from place people know me, to go somewhere far far away where no one know me.

Yesterday's bad day not end yet, I had a minor accident with my car. I am okay, but the car was not okay. I felt so sad. I blamed the guard too, he should be guarding me when I wanna go in to park my car too. I missed the lower pillar on the other side.

It was not the end of the day, my auntie told me again about my sister things and her new family. I felt like, stop telling me all this. I need to know the truth too, but the whole things screwed my mind up. More or less, those bad things influenced me. It was so bad. My sister never told me anything; maybe she knew and hide it, nothing happen for sure or she just knows nothing plainly. I am tired to listen all this. When I feel that, I choose to tell my uncle (from my mom side) to know about it. Rather than sharing with my loved one. It is like adding his burden and mind, also I can guess what he would tell me. I hope I won't be adding the burden to him as well.

I hope things would goes well. I am tired.

26 December 2011

26 December 2011

It was the seven-years anniversary for Tsunami victims in Nanggroe Aceh Darussalam (Banda Aceh). It was also the anniversary for my mum, my dad, my uncle and my brother. Seven years passed, you all will always be missed. I truly believe that we will always be in love forever. I miss you all.

I did nothing special on that day, not even a proper prayer (it was more likely a thought). Instead, I had fun with my loved one, we had singing practice and a boxing day with my friends at night. It was a really tiring day that I almost forget that day was their memorial day. I knew I tried to avoid to any media. I am scared it would be reporting about the Tsunami or what so ever. I don't really like it. 

I miss you all anyway. May you all and all others victims rest in peace.

Merry Christmas!!!

I wish my self, my loved ones, my friends and family a merry Christmas. May this Christmas season bring hope, joy, love and happiness to every one. Be merry and cheers!

"Christmas is not all about the gifts, holidays or shopping. It is more than celebration, singing and dancing all day night. It is again the time for us/ a reminder for you and me of the born Jesus Christ, who came to the earth for you and me. May the born of our King always be reminder for everyone of us that we are loved by Him, in spite of who we are and what we are for others. His unconditional love is far greater beyond what human beings ever known about. No one would ever love us like He does."

 Peace on earth and goodwill towards all men!

 May this Christmas brings you hope, joy, love and happiness! Be bright for days and years to come! =)

 Happy holidays people...! Have fun!!!

 It is that time of the year again, when you are thankful for everything merry and bright. May this Christmas be a delight! Merry merry Christmas!

 Heap on the wood!-the wind is chill;
But let it whistle as it will,
We'll keep our Christmas merry still. - Sir Walter Scott

 Christmas is not all about singing and dancing all night long! It's all about sharing and giving...

 Christmas - that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance - a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved. - Augusta E. Rundel

Here's wishing you all the joys of the season. Wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas! Cheers~

♥

Christmas is forever, not for just one day,
for loving, sharing, giving, are not to put away
like bells and lights and tinsel, in some box upon a shelf.
The good you do for others is good you do yourself...
~Norman Wesley Brooks, "Let Every Day Be Christmas," 1976

Hello and Good Bye to December!

I just wanna say hello to December! I hope it would be a good month to end the year of 2011.Honestly, I had few bad moments recently; with my loved ones, my sister and my friends. Well, actually I have this piece pending and only today, I continue to write this piece of writing. Not yet I say my hello, good bye is on its way. Few more days are coming and end the year of 2011.


Since November, I have not into writing due to my schedule, my laziness too. I feel bad, I didn't write my life down here for quite a long time. I still remember highlights of my days anyway.

1. November was a quite pack month. I had my holiday in end of October. I had my sister's wedding back in Medan and how things were, well...I wrote it out and hope I could have stopped to write about it. I don't like to write about it actually. I still remember one last time when my auntie visited here, she told me about my sister again that she was changed and after married, she just got herself away from those family ethics (what my family expected us to do as a younger generation; telling them if they will be in outing with who, whom and when) and at the same time, it is awakening fact and truth for me that, they expect us to do that even we get married. She said my sister is being disrespectful and all. I was so sad to hear that from my own uncle's wife. I feel like, what makes my sister is becoming like this/ impressing them with this kind of thought. I never told my sister. I don't want herself to be sad or just stop to add another new burden in her life. I don't like my family told me, please just don't let me know, it is not the thing I like to know. Honestly, I feel like I got to be influenced by those comments, warnings, advices on HOW I look at my sister, her husband and their family and I never want to be like that. Sometimes, I never accept my sister wholly for who and what she is; what she does, how she acts/ talks/ thinks/ behave sometimes. Simple, I seem to be look down at her sometimes. Is this what sister for? Not a sister like me of course. Distant really tears us apart, from a sisterhood to be friends and even strangers.

2. Since my sister getting married, we both are just like away and sometimes I feel that, this thing makes me jealous to see sisters who have a good sisterhood. I always try to text my sister and she never told me anything until I asked. Her answers for all were yes, no, noted and she doesn't know. Maybe I think and expect too much. I know, my way talking to her/ asking her could be irritating enough or due her uncomfortable with me since long time ago. Well sis, just be happy there and live your life. :)

3. I got clash with my good friends during the outings. I knew all were my faults. I spoilt everyone's moods, especially my loved ones. I made him disappointed and sad. I believed others too and it change the way how they look and think of me. It was the consequences and I would be ready for all I guess, more or less, things change. It is hard and very saddening thing for a very simple reason. It was all just I was not happy for all comments and the way some people talk. I had my temper showed that time, I chose not to join any picture taking session with them and kicked my self out from the group.  I can't go back to that time and be good. Well, now I know. It was not I didn't feel guilty. All I could say was it was really one of the worst day in my life. Next time, I would think 100 times if I am going to organize any outing with my friends; would I be able to control my temper all day long and enjoy? Well, from now on, I think I would put things on hold (for an outing).

I am truly sorry for my bad temper. I just hope they won't have anything bad on/ about my loved ones. He is friendly, nice man to talk too and a man who like to have fun with his good friends, I am far from that. I wish he won't change his good things because of me who is not friendly and positive enough; from the way I talk, think and act. I wish I could really have my self changed. Be better and positive of course.

After that day, I know I change and few things changed. It was really plain saddening thing in life.

4. For the first time in my life, I went to concert of Jackie Cheung. It was great concert. Even he was not feeling well, he did his best and it was awesome. Too bad, we did not buy any concert related stuff and it made the fun less a bit. I would be looking forward to see next concert of my favorite singer or great group maybe. Thanks guys, I had fun that night.

5. After all, December came, I could feel my Christmas mood is on and lessen at the middle of it and now, up again again. I don't really involve this year, a bit disappointed, but it was fine, I will be still singing tomorrow for countdown session and am happy. I may not involved in the committee much this year, for that, I feel sorry because it was not me. The greatest part of this Christmas I could feel is the value of sharing. No doubt, I had more money spent this Christmas, but I am happy. Christmas 2011 is all about sharing and giving. Two young men in my cell group in my priority amongst all. The satisfaction was there when I shared and am just happy. Now, I got to really learn and realize, no matter how small or invisible of things we do for people or even in God's ministry, we do it for Him and the person, without thinking or expect how other would see/ think about it, the real satisfaction is there.When you feel hesitate to share, He make us not to. He prepares few things and you are there. Thanks to both young men and my loved one, who always remind me of this things. At least now I know, I have the good side too.

Last but not least for this piece, time flies, things happens and people change. Whether you like or not, life goes on and you have to keep moving. Once told, if you don't like thing, never expect people to change or don't try to change that particular things, but from yourself inside out, control and change what yourself can change and control (your response, your attitudes, your thought and all). It is not deniable that it is easy told but it ain't easy when you come to practice it in life.

“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men” (Rom. 12:18). 

 Amen.

Bitter Sweet November

November is going to an end and soon, let's say hello December, everyone's favorite month, isn't it?...and I have been in Christmas's mood as soon as I know, December is coming soon!

Back to here, November has been a bitter sweet month for me. If you read my previous posts on what I wrote about my sister, her wedding and my families, this post would be still about it and hope it would be last piece of writing about them. Still, I am trying hard to be as logic as possible, neutral and not to be influenced.

Bitter sweet for me is just to describe how mix up my emotional were in these few months; the ups and downs, bad and good times, tears and laughter, all in one, all emotional that a person ever has. It is more likely to my sister wedding and some personal issue. My sister matters most. I would not write details of what I feel. I would never finish it, if yes, I need to be extra be careful in describing each event clearly and I don't really wish too. It is sins for me at the same time, but one things, I would remember every bit of it of what had been happened these few months.

I went back and stayed with my sister and my family for almost one week. It was sweet and bitter at the same time. I know big family was not really good, unless, your all relationships are really good, you know each other better and you know that everyone is being sincerely to you in every little things they do towards you, whether it is their words, action or thought, but rarely we would find one.

Once again, I am convinced that human is dangerous and you gotta to be careful in what you do or what you say. It is true that every human wear a mask and everyone has their own and guess what, some human may have some masks that are used for different person at different time, place and circumstances.

I hope my sister wedding would come the actual day very soon when I was in my hometown, waiting for the day to come. It was three round weddings; bride's reception, groom's reception and the wedding day. Tiring, but I could say we, or some people might have a good times and moments. Well, I did have. 

All I knew that week were how much I hope the actual day will come and it meant freedom for her, another new journey would begin with her new family and how much I worried how well she would do in her marriage. I felt I loss her and I realized how much things I regret about our sisterhood, how much I wish my parents would be there to witness and to celebrate the special day together with all of us. How much I wish the journey and moment of herself preparing all things would be much lighter with some one really helped her (I wish I could do that), how much I wish she would be happy with her new life in days to come. I had mix up feelings and emotional, I was so happy to see her in the wedding dress. She was so pretty and looked happy, I wish she was really happy. She is the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. She was glowing that night. All the pre-wedding pictures turned out so great and beautiful. I said that not because she is my sister, but that was the fact and I really meant it. She was pretty, lovely and beautiful. My mom and dad would be so happy to see her on those days. 

I was happy and sad on those days and week. These days were not a really good week in my hometown. I was up and down, happy and not happy at the same time. I heard lot of stories and things from my relatives about my sister; complaints, stories to know, my relatives' feeling and all. I was in the middle. I felt it was not only hard time for her but also for me. I was sure she had hard times living and working there. Neither do I, only a week and I felt damn hard. Imagine yourself as a sister of someone's, you heard, you listened and you saw how people reactions, responses, words, thoughts towards your sister and most of them were likely to be their complaints and dislikes. The worst things of all was not only to be the middle person where you heard people's said and acted differently, but it was the moment when you thought, "What I could have done for her to fix all these things, so that things and circumstances would be okay and maybe better for her and other!". That was what I felt. I felt I was useless and I could do nothing to save her from those people, to defend her.

My dad's families told me stories, my mom's families did the same too and my sister too for sure. Those three parties said different things and I was like, "Oh God! Help me out of here and what I should do?". However, I try to convince my self that every one had mistakes, they have their own thoughts and opinions. It is vary from one to another and I try to be as logic as possible, trying to be neutral and believe that God would help me out through people and prayer. I believe He would strengthen me. I had a real bad time anyway, really. All I know is I loss her, she gonna start a new life and all I hope is she would be happy and do well with her new life and family with all of us, especially me to support her.

My sister become who she is now for many reasons. I may be one of the causes, my parent's issue, my big big families of course. Those circumstances has led her to be some one that we all don't really know; how she is, who she is, why she acts the way she is and others. Just like me I guess. I pray for her that God would bring her self and her family back to Him and of course, strengthen us in the journey of life. That week has become a quite bad week for me, but I learned a lot things too.

I may be too harsh towards her before, I was not being supportive enough for her, I maybe over worried that was why I acted in certain ways, I may be forget that my ways and my suggestions would not work well for everyone in the effect I expected, our distance and time to be together was too short as well. I would not describing things in details. I love her and how much I wish she could be happy with her new life, our present family and new family well to the end of the time. I am far away from her, I couldn't watch her often but I would send my prayer and blessing from my heart always to her.

I just worry all these things would eventually affect my life and all. One thing for sure, I learnt that no matter where you are, anytime and anywhere, let things go is a must learn things for human being. It is not easy. Once you commit, you maybe able to let things go. Of course, never expected things would always go in your way and well, it would never happen perfectly and nicely. Also, never expect that what all you do would please everyone. No one would be able to do that. If you could do that, I am sure you are an expert in acting with your masks. It could not be denied, you and me have our own mask and our own ways to act. Life goes on even you like it or not, if we can't change the things now, let's learn to accept the things we can't change. Events in life is on-going learning process. Be sure that everyone would find a way out, even not now. Be good to your self and sometimes life just need you to do something that you don't like to do, it is about give and take. Another about being and having a big big family is a really bitter sweet things we have ever had in life. Believe it or not, you gotta to close one eyes and your ears at some moments in life. Your family is a swords in your life, as well as herbs and spices, they spices up your life, sweetly and bitterly.