Since November, I have not into writing due to my schedule, my laziness too. I feel bad, I didn't write my life down here for quite a long time. I still remember highlights of my days anyway.
1. November was a quite pack month. I had my holiday in end of October. I had my sister's wedding back in Medan and how things were, well...I wrote it out and hope I could have stopped to write about it. I don't like to write about it actually. I still remember one last time when my auntie visited here, she told me about my sister again that she was changed and after married, she just got herself away from those family ethics (what my family expected us to do as a younger generation; telling them if they will be in outing with who, whom and when) and at the same time, it is awakening fact and truth for me that, they expect us to do that even we get married. She said my sister is being disrespectful and all. I was so sad to hear that from my own uncle's wife. I feel like, what makes my sister is becoming like this/ impressing them with this kind of thought. I never told my sister. I don't want herself to be sad or just stop to add another new burden in her life. I don't like my family told me, please just don't let me know, it is not the thing I like to know. Honestly, I feel like I got to be influenced by those comments, warnings, advices on HOW I look at my sister, her husband and their family and I never want to be like that. Sometimes, I never accept my sister wholly for who and what she is; what she does, how she acts/ talks/ thinks/ behave sometimes. Simple, I seem to be look down at her sometimes. Is this what sister for? Not a sister like me of course. Distant really tears us apart, from a sisterhood to be friends and even strangers.
2. Since my sister getting married, we both are just like away and sometimes I feel that, this thing makes me jealous to see sisters who have a good sisterhood. I always try to text my sister and she never told me anything until I asked. Her answers for all were yes, no, noted and she doesn't know. Maybe I think and expect too much. I know, my way talking to her/ asking her could be irritating enough or due her uncomfortable with me since long time ago. Well sis, just be happy there and live your life. :)
3. I got clash with my good friends during the outings. I knew all were my faults. I spoilt everyone's moods, especially my loved ones. I made him disappointed and sad. I believed others too and it change the way how they look and think of me. It was the consequences and I would be ready for all I guess, more or less, things change. It is hard and very saddening thing for a very simple reason. It was all just I was not happy for all comments and the way some people talk. I had my temper showed that time, I chose not to join any picture taking session with them and kicked my self out from the group. I can't go back to that time and be good. Well, now I know. It was not I didn't feel guilty. All I could say was it was really one of the worst day in my life. Next time, I would think 100 times if I am going to organize any outing with my friends; would I be able to control my temper all day long and enjoy? Well, from now on, I think I would put things on hold (for an outing).
I am truly sorry for my bad temper. I just hope they won't have anything bad on/ about my loved ones. He is friendly, nice man to talk too and a man who like to have fun with his good friends, I am far from that. I wish he won't change his good things because of me who is not friendly and positive enough; from the way I talk, think and act. I wish I could really have my self changed. Be better and positive of course.
After that day, I know I change and few things changed. It was really plain saddening thing in life.
4. For the first time in my life, I went to concert of Jackie Cheung. It was great concert. Even he was not feeling well, he did his best and it was awesome. Too bad, we did not buy any concert related stuff and it made the fun less a bit. I would be looking forward to see next concert of my favorite singer or great group maybe. Thanks guys, I had fun that night.
5. After all, December came, I could feel my Christmas mood is on and lessen at the middle of it and now, up again again. I don't really involve this year, a bit disappointed, but it was fine, I will be still singing tomorrow for countdown session and am happy. I may not involved in the committee much this year, for that, I feel sorry because it was not me. The greatest part of this Christmas I could feel is the value of sharing. No doubt, I had more money spent this Christmas, but I am happy. Christmas 2011 is all about sharing and giving. Two young men in my cell group in my priority amongst all. The satisfaction was there when I shared and am just happy. Now, I got to really learn and realize, no matter how small or invisible of things we do for people or even in God's ministry, we do it for Him and the person, without thinking or expect how other would see/ think about it, the real satisfaction is there.When you feel hesitate to share, He make us not to. He prepares few things and you are there. Thanks to both young men and my loved one, who always remind me of this things. At least now I know, I have the good side too.
Last but not least for this piece, time flies, things happens and people change. Whether you like or not, life goes on and you have to keep moving. Once told, if you don't like thing, never expect people to change or don't try to change that particular things, but from yourself inside out, control and change what yourself can change and control (your response, your attitudes, your thought and all). It is not deniable that it is easy told but it ain't easy when you come to practice it in life.
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