Always in my mind and prayer, how much I want to change my self and to be changed to be some one better in life. To be some one that is thoughtful, generous, kind, caring enough and all, especially in socialization with people and things around me. I am not so sure what is so wrong on me; the way I talk, behave, act and present my self. Sometimes, I find nothing to talk with people who are quite close to me. There is no comfort sometimes.
I had lunch few days ago with some brothers and sisters from my church. I felt so weird and clumsy. I got nothing to talk actually. I can't really enjoy my self with them and it was a bit hard time, but it was okay...I think the problem is my level of being opened to people. Most of the time, it happens too, not only that time, but when it reaches the topic/ things that fits me, I guess I could get along well with you. Argh, I am not sure too. I wonder with my self, why am I who I am? I am bad, introvert and negative. I want a better me. Sometimes, I try hard and sometimes, I can't avoid my self to be so to. I just wish I could have some improvement on my self and hope people could see too, how hard I try at least.
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