Today is the 4th day of Lunar New Year. I was back to Penang on the 2nd day. It was a very short holiday but it made just enough. Well, here below are some of my memories when I was in Medan for my CNY holidays! I had a good time and a low time too...
Thanks everyone for making my good times and joy there! :)
It is not the same with the last time I went back to Medan. My sister was married. I usually have that purpose of visiting her and my high school friends/ teacher every time I went back and not this time. I felt so lazy and a bit bored, but still okay for me. I had fun and the joy and low time too. I gathered with my family for reunion dinner and CNY. We took pictures and competing in getting more and more red pocket. One thing I missed is only my sister. Not only about missing her, but also not having her around during the festive season or even just for my visitation, she was not around. We only met not more than one hour when I was in my aunt house and it was not enough for sure.
I am happy that she is pregnant now. I hope she would doing fine with her new family and husband. After all, myself, as her sister, the one who supposed to support her, for another time, I felt disappointed towards her. I really don't understand what is inside her head and heart. Simply I could day is another complaint from my uncle (dad's side) upon us, both of us. He phoned my aunt (my mom's sis at Jakarta) and told her how disappointed himself towards us. Well, I don't mind what he thinks about me, but not my sister. They are not even trying to understand me and my sister. Not only living as orphans for years, but also how the bond is that we have with them. Years come, and I get better with them. I try hard, but I could see, not to my sister. Ever since she had a boyfriend who is now her husband, my aunt (mu uncle from my dad's side wife) said she changed a lot and until she got married. I try to be one who supported her, even I can't. I used to teach her this and that and until now, I do so. I am just tired when all I do is try to help her, but herself never try to help hew own self. She blamed me that I always think about my relatives; how they think and look at us. It could not be my main purpose. All I do is just to protect her. Selfishly and worst I could say is her husband maybe the mistake. I want to let the past go and hope she would develop that better relationship with my relatives when I am away. I hope her marriage could be a open gate for her heart and mind about the family bonding, sisterhood and all, but I made mistake. I heard another aunt (my mom's sister) said that before she married, she said it would get better by just marrying a man. I know and understand the pressure that she has when it was about living with your relatives, worked with them, stayed with them, I had the same, but thankfully I am not in Medan anymore, even so, I still could feel that pressure sometimes. My family is a type of a very Chinese and traditional family. They respect highly what we called manner and all. Maybe me and my sister could not do that well and made them feel the bad and disappointment.
As like in festive season, days before, I always remind my sister, to go back and visit them once, to go out and hang around my my cousins and all, just to spend time and remember. No matter how busy, how hate or dislike, you should just spare time, even a text message asking how they are doing is more than enough. I reminded my sister to called all my main relatives on CNY morning to greet them in which I expected herself and her husband would call and greet them. I knew my sister called, but not her husband. Well, I could say that was the another biggest mistake ever. From the first, I know my relatives have been not really supportive towards my sister relationship. There are so many factors and rumors going on, even until they get married. Too many misunderstanding between them; two families. I didn't blame any family who would choose to go for holiday rather than visiting families and friends doing CNY, but my sis and her husband actually should not do so in my opinion. Simple, it is the first year of CNY where my sister just married him. His family should pay visit before they went to holiday, but they didn't. I knew my sister's husband didn't called them up to greet them. I have no words to say. I didn't dare to talk about my sister in front of them/ in the gathering. I didn't dare to ask my cousins if they phoned my sister and his husband to greet them a happy CNY or not. I tried to avoid the conversation basically; helping her so that at least, she and family would look good, but not her. She said I am thinking too much about them. I am not, I just want herself to develop that better relationship, so that when some unexpected things happen, my relatives there would help and support her, but after all, I know it is all back to her to decide and think wisely. I lose that sisterhood forever I know, I lose that trust from her, my words and all maybe offended herself and her new family, but honestly, 100% I have no idea what is in her head and heart and how she thinks. We fail her.
At the other side, my family should learn to let her go with her new family and should understand us better. I hope my sister's husband could be a constructive, positive person with an action, a person who is not only his-family-oriented, but also a person who could think wisely, not only talk wisely, a person could have a will to develop that relationship with my sister's family. A good ordinary man. Honestly, his impression to me is fading away. All complaints, rumors and things happened, affected me for sure. I hope I won't have to label my sister's husband. Like my aunt (my mom's sister) said, as long as her husband and family love her till the end of time, let it be!
I hope I could. I just hope I will let those worry and all die in my heart just before I leave the earth. I don't want to have another regret in my life.
